


13th Doctor X (Y/n) Novella 4

by MissWho77



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Doctorwho - Freeform, F/F, Gallifrey, New Who, Other, Regeneration (Doctor Who), Sonic - Freeform, TARDIS - Freeform, Time Lord, Time Travel, thasmin, time lady - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 16:15:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 28,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30125487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissWho77/pseuds/MissWho77
Summary: Story synopsis: You've been happily living with your Tardis family for a while now, but things are getting intense. With unprecedented feelings for two amazing women, you are left balancing your mental health, relationships and so, so much running...For this Novella to make sense, please ensure you have read Novellas 1, 2 and 3 for context.As usual, these are your general Trigger Warnings, but I will provide more specific warnings at the beginning of each chapter.TW// Suicide, self injury, mental illness, grief, violence/abuse (sexual and physical)I'm having so much fun writing these books so I hope you're enjoying them as much as I am.Of course, I do not own any of these characters, I choose to use them for creative and entertainment purposes only, all rights reserved to the BBC.Let's get started, Fantastic!
Comments: 4
Kudos: 1





	1. Dark

You sit and watch The Tardis thrum and glow, lulling you into a waking sleep. She was mesmerising and beautiful like this, and you felt totally at peace. 

Having just had another therapy session with The Doctor, your head felt suitably mashed and sore from the emotional turmoil. 

Now however, you felt calm and collected. 

The Tardis responds to your happiness with resonating thrums. You smile some more.

Behind your eyelids you see a faint red glow, and squint slightly. One of the screens is lit, showing a pulsing red dot.

"Doctor?" You call uncertainly, and you see her approach in your mind seconds before she enters. 

She catches sight of the screen and hops lightly onto the deck like an agile cat, typing steadily. Jenny enters soon after, and it still annoys you that you had no foresight of her approach.

She raises her eyebrows and you relax. She smiles and you do to. You didn't really know where you stood with her at the moment, but it didn't mean you couldn't enjoy her company.

"Mmm I think we're going to need to check this one out" says The Doctor with a small smile, and you nod. 

Ten minutes later and you are all gathered as The Tardis sets off, with much eye rolling from Missy.

"Do you need lessons again?" She asks bitterly as she stumbles.

"I can fly her perfectly well! She's just temperamental!" Replies The Doctor curtly and you giggle. 

The Tardis apparently takes offence, and works even harder to dislodge you all. Landing with a dramatic thump, you just about manage to stay upright.

"Brilliant, really smooth" mutters Missy sarcastically and The Doctor scowls. She strides out the door but re-enters seconds later.

"We've got a problem. It's pitch black" she mutters, annoyed.

"Well do we have torches?" Inquires Jenny and The Doctor looks thoughtful.

"Yes, but I really don't like the idea of us relying on just them. If there's something out there, it really won't be hard to pick us off." She mutters solemnly and you feel a chill go down your spine.

"Fine, only a few of us will go" concludes Missy and you snap your head up in alarm. You didn't care how indestructible time ladies seemed, the thought made your breathing pick up.

"Ok, me and Missy?" Suggests The Doctor, and you find it hurts to picture her in danger too.

"No, me and The Doctor" says Jenny confidently and you blanch. But you have an idea.

"Actually, I think only one of us here has a distinct advantage...?" You say and they turn to look at you in surprise. 

"Absolutely not" says Missy and you scowl.

"Come on, chances are I'll hear anyone coming before they get too close, plus their intentions if I'm lucky." You say, trying to lighten the mood.

"No, Missy's right, youre not going" says Jenny firmly and you find your anxiety peaking, as well a slight offence at being treated like a child.

"Why not? Doctor you know this is the best idea!" You say, turning to the last time lady. 

She looks unsure. 

"You're walking blindly into danger, all of you except me! Please" you say and her expression lifts marginally. She was deliberating.

"(Y/n) it could be very dangerous, you can't rely too heavily on your abilities, not when you're not completely in control" she warns and you nod understandingly.

"I could put an earpiece on you, so we could track your every move..." she suggests slowly and both Missy and Jenny open their mouths to argue.

"I'm not a child, and I'm not stupid. This is my decision, and I accept the consequences" you say   
sternly. 

Neither look appeased.

"Well at least let one of us go with you..." Jenny starts but you are already shaking your head.

"I'll need to concentrate completely, no distractions, internal or external" you add as Jenny opens her mouth to argue as the lone exception to your abilities.

"We'll be with you every step of the way?" Says Missy slowly, with a strong face.

"Yes" you breathe, as The Doctor runs off quickly down a corridor. You catch a fleeting image of yourself wearing a headpiece, so try not to be alarmed when she returns and places one on the right side of your face, zapping it with the sonic where it crackles and pops to life. 

You wince as The Doctor tests it out, clearly still too close.

"(Y/n) is it working?" She asks and you nod. It was a weird feeling, seeing her talk and hearing it close to your ear at the same time. "Ok, when you're ready" she says normally and you nod again, suddenly feeling quite nervous. 

Missy hands you a torch which you click on. It's suitably bright and you relax a little. 

"No heroics." She whispers, squeezing your hand warmly. "First sign of danger, you turn right back" she says and you smile.

"I'll be fine, seriously, what's the worst that could happen?" You ask, but no one seems to appreciate your humour.

"Alright alright I'm going" you mutter, nodding at all four of them. "I'll be fine" your repeat, but they look unsure.

"Maybe there's a different way" bursts The Doctor suddenly, looking apprehensive.

"Stop it, I'll keep in contact" you say firmly as Yaz looks at you earnestly. Sighing, you step confidently out the door into pitch black darkness. 

You blink and shine your torch, but all that surrounds you is dense forest. 

You begin to trek through, and almost jump out of your skin when your headpiece comes to life.

"How are you doing?" Asks The Doctor worriedly and you breathe.

"Well I can't see for shit, it's just forest everywhere" you respond and you can feel her disapproving expression thought the headpiece.

"Language!" She says and you mutter under your breath.

You continue to walk but find nothing of consequence. You're plenty warm enough in your jeans and long coat, but it catches on some of the lower branches. Frequently you have to stop and untangle yourself.

"What am I actually looking for?" You ask after fifteen minutes of walking in uneventful static filled silence.

"Anything out of place. You should be at the target of the distress image the Tardis picked up in twenty feet." She replies and you nod, trekking further.

You gasp as you make out a human sized shape in the shadows, but breathe when you realise what it is.

"(Y/n)? What was that? Are you ok?" Comes The Doctor's hurried voice and you giggle weakly, examining the extraordinary statue.

"It's ok Doctor, it's just a statue, just a stone Angel" you respond nonchalantly.


	2. Angel

You hear nothing but silence and crackling at the other end, and frown slightly.

"Doctor?" You say unsurely and your mic bursts to life.

"...whatever you do don't look away, don't blink, (y/n) this is important, keep looking at the angel, but not the eyes!" She exclaims hurriedly, voice catching, and you begin to panic.

"Doctor what is it?" You hiss, observing the stone. You take a step closer.

"I knew this was a bad idea, I knew it, tell her to stay where she is, I'm going to find her!" You hear Missy on the other end, slightly muffled. 

Really panicking now, you realise you haven't been watching the angel. Your eyes dart up, but it's gone. You breathe out.

"It's ok Doctor! It's gone! Actually how did it move... it's stone...?" You speculate wonderingly and she gasps at the other end.

"Look around and find it (y/n)! Right now, and keep looking at it. It can't move while you're looking at it." She says hurriedly and you spin on the spot, searching through the dark. 

Aiming your torch in a circle, you find it much closer than before, standing directly behind you.

"I've found it," you whisper. "But it's closer. Doctor what do I do?" You ask, but as she begins to answer you feel someone push you over hard, where you fall heavily on the soiled floor. 

You groan and clutch your abdomen in some serious pain.

But that's not what's bothering you. When you had felt contact, you had seen an image. A flag in green white and purple, flapping in the wind. You wince and squeeze your eyes shut against the pain as you hear more static in your earpiece.

"(Y/n)? (Y/n) talk to me what happened?!" Exclaims The Doctor, and you hear a slight scuffle. "(Y/n) love are you ok?" That's Jenny, and in spite of yourself, you try to talk.

"It's ok, I fell, I think something pushed me." You get to your feet but collapse almost immediately afterwards.

"Are you hurt?" Says The Doctor and you shake your head before remembering they can't see you. "No no I'm fine" you gasp. 

"Ok I need you to find the angel again, Missy is on her way, I'm sending her your location" she says, and you hear some clicking and buzzing from her muted sonic. 

You nod and lean back on a boulder, breathing heavily.

"Ok she's near, (y/n) I need you to head over to her, she can't get too close, or you'll lose sight of the angel." She says anxiously and you groan at the movement.

"(Y/n)?" She prompts and you feel tears slide out your eyes at the pain in your stomach.

"I- I don't think I can" you wobble and she inhales sharply.

"Why not? (Y/n) you're not hurt are you?" She asks again, and you pull up your shirt to see noticeable bruising on your stomach.

She pauses.

"(Y/n)?" She asks warningly and you gasp and lie back again, scrunching your eyes shut.

"Tell Missy to get out of here and safe" you mutter and The Doctor audibly stiffens.

"(Y/n) what happened?"

You chuckle weakly and wince again at the movement. "I think the angel pushed me over, my stomach, it's bruised and I can't move" you tremble, trying to keep the angel in your eyeline.

"Missy? Missy she's hurt, you're going to have to find her!" Calls The Doctor, presumably into Missys' headpiece. "Stay still (y/n), and don't stop looking at the angel!" She hurries desperately, and you hear Jenny asking rapid questions in the background. 

You want to lie back and close your eyes, but you force yourself to look at the stone angel, hating it's staring face. 

"Doctor what will happen to me, if it gets me" you shiver and she goes silent. You take that as a bad sign .

"Just don't stop looking" she hisses a little harshly, and you close each eye individually when you need to blink.

"It showed me something" you shiver faintly, finally able to hear noise in the distance; Missy, coming to help.

"It showed me a flag, purple, green and white, but I don't know what it means" you mutter groggily and The Doctor doesn't respond.

"I don't think I can hold on... much longer" you say, lying your head back.

"No no just a little longer! Missy's almost there!" Calls The Doctor anxiously and you nod. 

"Yes... I can hear her" you say, placing a cold hand on your sore stomach. It helps a little.

"(Y/n) are you still looking at the angel?!" Exclaims The Doctor, making you jump, and you realise your mistake too late. 

Hardly daring to look, you lift your eyes into the Angel's, mere feet away. 

You scream in fear, rolling over and trying to move, abdomen protesting, when you feel a cold stone hand grip your wrist, and the ground disappearing beneath your battered body.


	3. Emily

Your feet hit solid ground and you stumble, desperately trying to regain your balance. 

You are standing on a cobbled street in strange half light, lampposts illuminating further down. You shiver at the temperature and wrap your coat further around yourself, starting as a door opens behind you.

"Hello lass, you here for Miss Davison?" She asks kindly, and you stare at her in confusion.

"Um... I don't think so" you say uncertainly and she smiles warmly. Hastily you slide off your headpiece and shove it in your pocket, meeting her eyes again.

"It's alright dear we don't judge here, we've got many a widow keeping residence, you'll be just fine, you'll see" she says, ushering you in. You take care not to let her touch you, flinching when she reaches for your coat.

"I'm sorry my dear, you're so young to have been treated like that by a man" she says and you freeze, wondering how she could possibly know this. 

She smiles encouragingly and leads you down a hall into a spacious living room with mattress beds littering the floor.

About fifteen women look up at you kindly when you enter, ceasing their chatting by the low candle light. You are shocked by the general decor, it looks so old fashioned, as do the women's' clothes. 

"Alright love? Come and sit, Sheila grab her a cuppa" calls one woman, and you sit carefully, not too close, while a young woman presses a hot cup into your hand which you hold gratefully.

"It's alright, we won't hurt you, you're safe now." Says a woman in an armchair. She has brown hair tucked and pinned neatly beneath a bonnet, with a long grey dress, darned in several places.

"Where am I?" You ask, abandoning all pretences. 

"London dear" she nods and you are surprised. You've definitely travelled then. 

"But, hang on... what's the day today?" You ask, dreading the answer.

"June 7th" she says watching your reaction. "Have you had a hit on the head dear?" She adds at your bemused expression, and several women chuckle good naturedly.

"Um... I'm sorry, but what year is it?" You whisper and she laughs a little. "Same year it's been for the past six months" she sees your expectant face, and her smile falters.

"It's 1913" she says slowly, and you feel all the air leave your lungs.

The angel, it had taken you back in time.

You had no form of communication, no friends, no family, and no way of getting back.

Recognising your shock, the women continue chattering quietly to give you some space, while the kind woman from the armchair comes and sits next to you.

"What's your name?" She asks politely and you blink.

"Um, (y/n)" you say honestly.

"Nice to meet you (y/n), my name is Miss Davison, but you can call me Emily." She says with an affirmative nod. 

You start at that name, and look at her in disbelief.

"You're Emily Davison?" You gasp and she nods, a little confused. "Then you're a suffragette!" You exclaim and she nods proudly.

"Sure am, golly I didn't realise we were spreading that fast! To all you young lasses anyway! I tell you what, Miss Pankhurst will be pleased to hear it." She says and you smile at that too. "You know, you'll fit right in here, why don't you come with us tomorrow, we'll be making quite a show at the races" she winks and the date finally clicks in your mind as you feel the air taken from your lungs yet again. 

June 8th 1913, at the Epsom races, Emily Davison throws herself in front of the kings horse, trying to place the flag on its neck- the flag! You had seen it from the angel, flapping in the wind brandishing white, purple and green. 

You should have figured it out sooner.

"You don't have to go" you find yourself blurting out suddenly. Emily was a real person, apparently offering sanctuary to widows, cast out by their husbands for their political views. You could tell her, you could warn her not to do it, explain what happens. 

But you knew deep down, even as you thought this, The Doctor would never allow it. You could disrupt all of history.

"It's going to be wonderful, the races are televised you see, the entire country will be watching! We'll finally be heard!" She says, and the women behind all cheer.

"Of course, deeds not words" you mutter and she looks at you strangely.

"What a neat motto, I may just pass that one on to Miss Pankhurst herself. It really catches our spirit." She says and you groan, clutching your stomach suddenly, having forgotten about it until this moment.

Emily looks at you in concern before snapping her fingers.

"Right you, I'll set you a bed down and you can stay the night, it's up to you if you want to come in the morning" she says kindly and you nod gratefully. 

You were scared, tired and in pain. 

You are lead to a single mattress with a blanket in a corner, where you curl up after a girl not much older than yourself brings you a cup of warm broth. She laughs a little at your clothes, but you stay quiet. 

You probably looked out of place enough without giving her any more ammunition. 

As you lay listening to the whispered conversations of the women nearby, you contemplate what to do next. 

Your priority should be trying to get a signal of some kind that only The Doctor would recognise, but as to how you could do that, you had no idea. Your only hope was that she may have connected the dots of the coloured flag you had described to her, and made the link of whereabouts in history you were. 

You felt it was rather a long shot. 

Sighing and rolling over you try not to picture any of their faces too vividly, for each time it brought around a fresh wave of pain. 

Sniffling quietly, you try to get some sleep.


	4. Epsom

You are woken early the next morning, and to your surprise, you know exactly where you are. 

Emily smiles at you and hands over a grey cotton sprigged dress with a bonnet, fitted with buttons, a cream ribbon and matching gloves. 

You pull on your normal boots as they will likely be covered by your dress anyway. 

You want to cry when you look in the mirror. It was too reall all of a sudden, but you couldn't very well turn up to a national event in clothes from over a hundred years in the future. 

You were trying to be inconspicuous after all.

You set off in a large group, exiting out the huge house and onto the cobbled street, fog still lining the ground. 

Marketers are already setting up their booths, and had you been less nervous you would have liked to get a better look. 

Emily helps you into a taxi drawn by a horse, smiling kindly at your terrified face at the contact. You try to relax. You could not interfere. This was how it happened, Emily is killed today, and you had to let that happen. 

You see it all too clearly, newspaper cuttings you had studied many years ago in the future. 

You shiver, unable to comprehend the death of the kind woman sat next to you. 

The ride is short to the races and you get out into bright sunshine, huge crowds swelling with life, looking just like a scene from a historic movie, which, you suppose, technically it was.

"Miss Pankhurst!" Calls Emily, and she tows you through a thicket of women, stopping you short in front of a strong lady wearing furs despite the heat, neat hair pulled back with a proud sash in suffrage colours across her chest. 

She smirks genially and you find yourself blushing like a fool, embarrassed to be in her very presence.

"Emily my dear! How are you? And who is this?" She asks with a smile, looking down at you.

"This is (y/n), one of my girls. Very clever you know, came up with a fitting motto too! Deeds not words!" She exclaims happily.

"Little charmer, she'll fit right in! Deeds not words you say? Goodness she's creative" Miss Pankhurst laughs and you blush somehow more. 

The reason you had rights, and your long time idol, was stood right in front of you.

"N- nice to meet you Miss Pankhurst" you stammer and she pats you lightly on the shoulder. 

Intimidated by her remarkable form, you don't make the flinch too obvious.

"Come along everyone!" She calls over her shoulder, and you see fifty odd women joining her, all wearing the same coloured sash. It was a glorious sight. 

You are lead into the race grounds as you try desperately not to panic at the crowds. You find yourself tripping over people, and are suddenly separated from Emily. 

"Emily!" You call but she has disappeared from view.

Really panicking now, you stumble over people who frown and elbow you furiously. 

Apologising profusely, you are hit with an image of yourself, alone and scared. 

You gasp, and then, trying to find the source, you trip and go sprawling, falling heavily into a woman by the sound of her grunt.

"I'm so sorry I-" you start then stop as you actually take in her face, her extraordinary clothes, her blonde Bob and smiling face. 

"Doctor!" You scream and she laughs, pushing herself to her knees.

"And I thought it would be a lot harder to find you, of course not! Look for commotion and (y/n) is at the centre!" She laughs as you help each other to your feet. 

You don't give her time to adjust before throwing yourself into her arms, tickling her chin with your bonnet.

"I thought I'd never see you again" you sob and she hushes you, stroking your hair gently.

"Well that was silly, I told you I would find you, I promised I would keep you safe" she whispers as you pull away, wiping you face. "I like the outfit by the way" she grins with raised eyes brows and you shake your skirt.

"Yeah it's alright actually, I could get used to it" you smile and she offers you her hand, pulling you through the crowd. 

You barely blink, terrified of losing her.

Your heart lifts as you see the familiar blue box tucked under a seating stand, with three women standing out front, all looking tense and unhappy, but it's Yaz who sees you first.

"(Y/N)!" She shrieks, launching herself at you, knocking you once more to the ground. 

You laugh and she blushes, beginning to untangle herself.

"Sorry sorry, I was just worried" she says hastily, but you smile, giving her a quick squeeze before Jenny pulls you to your feet. 

She doesn't hesitate to pull you into a warm embrace, where you relax against her heat, saying nothing. 

Words couldn't convey how it felt to see her again anyway.

You break apart and you glance at Missy, who looks surprisingly angry. She steps over and cups your face, looking at you anxiously.

"I thought I told you never to scare me like that again?" She whispers in a hurt voice and you wither in apology.

"You're going to be the death of me" she mutters before pulling you into a hug too and holding you securely. When you step back, they are all scrutinising you carefully.

"You kind of stole my look" says Missy finally and you roll your eyes, hands on hips.

"It's called disguise" you say pettily and they laugh.

"God you gave us a scare (y/n)" says The Doctor with a relieved smile and you look at her carefully.

"Well for a moment there I really thought I was going to be stuck here forever..." you start then stop, whipping round at the sounds of the starting gun.

"Oh no oh no oh no" you gasp and Missy grabs your hand.

"What is it? What's wrong?" She says, searching for danger in the crowds.

"No it's Emily! I can't just let her die!" You say, beginning to head back to the race when Missy grips you firmly.

"Emily Davison? My love I'm sorry, but it's history, it can't be changed."

"It can be rewritten!" You say, with fresh tears in your eyes, but The Doctor shakes her head sadly. 

"We need to go, come on everyone" she says, as they turn back to the box. You sigh and accept defeat. 

Everything these women did for you in the future, all they fought for, and you never got to thank them.

You didn't even get to say goodbye.


	5. Paradox

That night you visit the library again, padding softly down the Tardis corridors and following the soft orange light. 

You arrive and begin to search. 

It takes you well over an hour, but eventually you come across the relevant articles. You sit by soft golden light, reading article after article about the suffragettes, your heart leaping every time you came across 'Davison' or 'Pankhurst'. 

You read about their lives, and what happened after the races. One particular picture you fold up and tuck into your pocket. 

It's fuzzy and old, in black and white, but it's an image of Emily and Miss Pankhurst, stood talking to a young girl in a dress that you know is grey in real life, a set with matching cream ribbons. 

You stare at yourself in their presence, absorbing the picture until you see it even when you close your eyes. 

Too tired to find your bedroom, you curl up on the maroon sofa situated in the corner and slip off to sleep.

You wake to various shuffles and thumps, opening your eyes to see The Doctor carrying armfuls of books and arranging them neatly. 

You stand and begin to clear up your own mess, when she pauses and turns.

"I didn't think you'd be awake for a while yet" she comments and you smile, folding up the articles and tucking them inside their respective books.

"Sorry, I was up quite late" you say in response to your unconventional sleeping arrangements and scattered research.

"That's ok, I gathered" she nods kindly, throwing a book in the air. 

It stops about twelve feet up, shaking slightly, before putting itself neatly in a nook on the available shelf. 

You try a similar method with your history book, throwing it up where it also shakes then tucks itself neatly away. 

You smile, loving the Tardis more and more as The Doctor finishes up.

"Are you ok about what happened?" She asks and you nod.

"It was always a risk, but I'd say it's worth it" you shrug and her smile drops slightly.

"It's a miracle that you found me so quickly" she says and you smile at that.

"Yeah well your head was full of me, it was quite hard to miss" you grin and she returns it, stopping when you frown suddenly, having felt your coat pocket crackle. 

You pull out the picture and, read a small heading you hadn't noticed before. 

It's a statement from Miss Pankhurst herself. At the end of the article is the phrase Deeds not words.

"What is it?" Asks The Doctor as you do some serious thinking.

"When I was talking to Emily, she had never heard 'Deeds not Words' before. She told me I was clever and creative for coming up with it. But I didn't. I only knew it because I learned it in school. But if I got it from a historical article, and she got it from me, where did it start?" You rush out and The Doctor looks randomly delighted.

"That, (y/n), is called a bootstrap paradox. And you've explained it very well. It's a common mystery of time, I often deal with in Time travel. Actually last time I dealt with this was when I became Beethoven, anyway long story short, who came up with those words? We may never know, and sometimes we just have to accept the unknown" she finishes while you stare at her, somehow having understood everything she just said.

"Then, does it matter? If we accept everything that happens, does that mean everything happens for a reason? Or everything that happens has no reason and no purpose, so we could have interfered?" You theorise, pacing across the library floor while The Doctor watches you.

"(Y/n) I know it's hard, but there are rules, there may be no reason, but it happened, so it has to stay that way." She pictures your sister and you begin to pull at your hair in frustration.

"No it doesn't! Time can be rewritten! What happened to my sister"- The Doctor looks angry at herself that you had caught that thought of hers-" it may have been complete coincidence, in fact it was! Wrong place and wrong time, but if nothing happens for any reason, how is that fair?" You say, voice rising and cracking.

"(Y/n) time can be rewritten, yes, but there are fixed points. Things that can never be changed! Don't you see? I can't change your past, or the entire future shifts, I may never have met you!" She explains breathlessly, but you've moved on.

"How is it fair? Right now I should be at home with Abi, getting the shit beaten out of me to protect her! It's horrible but she would be alive at least! Don't tell me she's better off this way, I should have died, you saw my grave, why didn't that happen in my reality! Why didn't I just fucking die when I should have!" You shout, losing control.

"(Y/n) listen to me right now! You can play the what if game for the rest of your life, but you'll only ever be living in the past. This is what happened, and I can't change it. Every day you make thousands of tiny decisions that completely shift your future. You can't control it, and you just have to accept that" she finishes, and you slump in defeat.

She takes a step towards you, then another, testing if you see alright with it. Finally she wraps her arms around you, and you find yourself relaxing against her, despite the fear of intrusion. You almost welcome it. Being in someone else's mind for a bit would be bliss. But you don't want to force you way in.

"I admire you (y/n)" she mumbles into you hair and you sigh. "After everything you've been through, and you still work so hard to question and do the right thing. Never change. You are one of the bravest people I have ever met. You are enough, and you are perfect." She says quietly, and you feel the tears begin to gather behind your eyes.

"I'm so tired of losing people" you whisper and she squeezes you tighter. You grip her lilac coat and and she strokes your hair gently, with soft fingers that send warmth from your scalp to your neck. 

"There are certain people you will never lose" she mutters softly, and you smile gently, refusing to let go.


	6. Body

TW: Scars

You lie in bed for a long time the next morning, just thinking. 

You already have a headache but ignore it, rising to be in Tardis in fifteen minutes. 

Everyone is already there, and you notice Missy relax from her tense position when you enter. 

You yawn and smile warmly.

"I thought today we might just have a relaxing one" says The Doctor from the other side of the console.

"Actually that might be nice for once" comments Yaz and Jenny nods in relieved agreement.

"Yeah, you do have a bit of a knack for finding trouble mum..." she says and you stifle a snort at The Doctor's bemused expression.

"I do not find trouble! Everything in this universe just wants to kill me..." she sulks and Missy laughs too.

"Don't tempt me" she mutters under her breath and you are now laughing properly.

"Well then" says The Doctor obliviously, "somewhere nice?" 

"Fine by me" you shrug as The Doctor pulls the lever and the floor starts shaking. 

You aren't really with it, mind somehow still elsewhere, so when the Tardis lurches again you aren't ready.

You nearly fall but Jenny picks you up at the last moment as you yelp in surprise. 

She grins nervously and you thank her when you land with an uncalled for blush.

"Oops sorry (y/n)!" Apologises The Doctor and you smile.

"It's ok, I should be used to it by now, so where we we?" You prompt and she strides forward and throws open the doors, letting in streams of sunshine.

"Dermafaha Beach, 890 million miles from Earth, reknowed for its white sands and thirteen suns." She smiles and Yaz claps excitedly.

"Ok everyone, swim suits on!" She says and you feel your heart skip a beat. 

Everyone rushes to their rooms while you wander slowly. 

Back in your room, you find a cute black bikini in the bottom drawer. 

You slip it on quickly, then go to look at yourself in the mirror. 

You want to cry. 

Every inch of your arms, stomach and thighs are littered with white scars, raised above the surface. 

You sink to your knees as you see the purple bruising around your abdomen. It was no use. There was just no way you could wear this. 

Just then there is a knock at your door and you catch an image of Yaz standing warily.

"(Y/n)? Can I come in?" She calls and you don't reply. She enters anyway, knocking softly on your bathroom door.

"Are you ready? I'm sure you look lovely" she whispers, and you sigh. 

Of course, she knew about your scars from your date with Jenny. What a night that turned out to be. 

"I-I really don't think I can come out" you say huskily, and she sighs.

"(Y/n) we all love you very much, no one will judge you" she says softly and you groan, then push yourself to your knees, opening the door. You stand and stare at her, arms outstretched almost theatrically.

"I can't Yaz. Really. They don't know how bad it is" you shiver. 

She looks at you sympathetically, wearing a cute pink tankini that looks great on her.

"You look stunning, come on. Jenny and Missy are waiting" she says slyly, sliding her hand into yours.

An image of The Doctors' face when she sees Yaz reaches you and the girl blushes, but you laugh.

"Yeah that's a pretty accurate depiction of her face, utterly awkward." You giggle, barely noticing Yaz pulling you out your room and down the corridor. 

You manage to grab a towel before you leave however, wrapping it around you like a safety blanket.

She continues to drag you out of the Tardis and onto your own private stretch of beach. 

Your face lights on fire as you spot Missy in a smoky black bikini, hair in a messy bun on top of her head and sunglasses covering her eyes. 

You look away only to spot Jenny next, in a pale blue tankini with little gems studding it. Her brown hair is in a neat ponytail so her neck is completely exposed. 

You feel it is safe only to look down. 

The Doctor catches sight of you first, wearing a red bikini and looking very feminine, which you hadn't expected. 

Their outfits clash horribly, but neither are as bright as both hers and Yazs' burning faces. 

"Come on then!" says The Doctor, but you don't move, actually you think you might just slip back into the Tardis.

Yaz squeezes your hand in comfort, giving you a little nod, and so, seizing bravery reserves from you don't know where, you drop your towel to your ankles. 

Everyone goes silent, and you shuffle awkwardly as they stare. 

You so hate that pity look.

"No really, keep staring" you snap in discomfort and they look away. The Doctor catches your eye, looking at you with a hard expression. 

You ignore her and walk over to Missy and Jenny. 

They smile and grab a hand of yours each, running with you into the water. 

Once submerged you actually begin to have fun, swimming way behind the strong Time ladies. 

The Doctor's face eventually clears, and you have a round of chicken wrestling, Yaz on The Doctors' shoulders, you on Missys'. 

You scream and laugh as Yaz tries to dislodge you, but Missy is agile and you get a hold of the other human, pulling her under and winning. 

"We are the champions!" You shriek in delight and laughter, until The Doctor swims under the waves and pulls Missy under, consequently taking you with her. 

You feel a different pair of strong arms pull you out, and find yourself very close to Jenny who holds you bridal style, looking very surprised.

"We've got to stop meeting like this" you say with a giggle and she laughs, jumping with the waves, then throwing you with all her strength where you plummet beneath the surface. 

You arise, gasping and choking, wiping the water out your eyes. 

You are pulled back under by The Doctor who laughs as you cling to her to stop more submerging. 

She feels very warm and you grip her like a koala. 

She tries to dislodge you, but you grip tighter. She pulls you off at arm length, and laughs as she throws you to the left, where you are caught just as you hit the surface by Missy. 

You grip her next but she throws you to Jenny, then back to The Doctor, then to Missy again. 

You shriek in fear and delight as you are thrown from time lady to time lady like a light ball, noticing Yaz has also joined the circle, being tossed similarly. 

You laugh and try to escape each time, and they take advantage, planting a kiss on your forehead every time they receive you. 

Losing energy, you allow them to continue, laughing and giggling as one of the thirteen suns begins to set below the horizon.


	7. Two

It is dark by the time you get back in the Tardis, shivering and laughing. 

Everyone separates to their rooms to change, and you do the same, taking a quick shower to relieve the salt. 

You stand and relax, a genuine smile on your face. 

No one had minded, at least not out loud; they truly were lovely people. 

You pull on some comfy sweats and a blanket hoodie, heading back to the console room in your slippers. 

"In here!" Someone calls, and you turn to see Yaz, hair dripping wet, peeking out a door. You frown and follow her into a huge cinema room. 

It's quite cold, and you wrap your clothes tighter around yourself as you shiver. You are apparently the last one there, and that is a problem because you have to choose where to sit. 

You eventually settle between Missy and Jenny, deciding they probably made it that way for your comfort over theirs. 

Yaz cuddles happily into The Doctor as you curl up with your knees drawn into your chest. Missy laughs at your yawn.

"Are you going to stay awake?" Chuckles Jenny and you nod sleepily, not believing yourself. You were exhausted. 

Clearly Yazs' pick, Frozen 2 is playing and you smile as she sings along, The Doctor laughing fondly, also apparently knowing the lyrics. You smile with your eyes shut, humming to yourself when someone places a blanket over your curled up form. 

You realise it's Missy, and you are leaned against Jenny. 

You don't want to move. 

Jenny pulls back your hair and strokes your face and you smile slightly, warm and comfortable.

"Thank you Missy, for letting her do this" starts Jenny, and you are confused.

"What do you mean?" -Apparently Missy is too.

"Don't worry you don't have to hide it, I know you're together now, and if it makes her happy, then it's fine by me." She says warmly and you want to react, but you are to lethargic.

"Actually we're not" mutters Missy with a smile. "She's just too hung up on you" she says with what you imagine is an eye roll.

"But you sleep in her room?" Asks Jenny, and you feel an image from Missy's hand enter your mind. 

It's yourself, lying on your bathroom floor, pale and lifeless surrounded by a scarlet pool of blood.

"To keep her safe" answers Missy, as you understand her fear in the image. "It's not always her choice, but it's that or waiting outside her door all night, listening for her restlessness." She replies sadly.

"What do you mean?"

"You've seen her arms Jenny"

Some silence as they both look down at you. You snuffle slightly and Jenny continues to stroke your head.

"It's not going to work between us, I ended any possibility when I told her I'm Ace"

"You may be finished, but she isn't. You should see the way she looks at you. You know, she mutters both our names at night." Missy smiles. 

You were unaware you did that. 

"She dreams of us?" 

"Yes... The Doctor and Yaz too. Such adorable facial expressions when she's presumably being told off by The Doctor."

"Anyone else?" Aims Jenny with a knowing tone.

"Yes. She dreams of him. She looks so terrified, even in her sleep. She won't talk to me. I think she's scared I'll track him down. Little does she know, I know exactly where he is." 

These words send a shiver down your spine. So Missy knew.

"I can't believe he could do that to her. Just look at her. So beautiful and strong. I met him once you know. Horrible bloke. Actually I was a man too. I punched him in the face." She laughs lightly.

"As you should" nods Missy approvingly. They lapse into silence, apprently under the impression you were fast asleep. Which you almost were. This was beginning to feel like a dream.

"Do we wait for her to choose?" Says Jenny finally with bated breath.

"We can't force her. I don't even know how I feel about her. I just need her close, and safe."

"Sounds like the L word" giggles Jenny.

"I don't know, I didn't realise a time lord could get attached to a human. Don't ever tell Tue Doctor that or I'll rip your intestines out and play jump rope with them." She threatens but Jenny laughs serenely. 

"It's not exactly a secret. I think losing her in the woods proved that. But maybe... maybe she doesn't have to choose?"

"Yes I've considered stepping back. It really would be best. She's so fragile. I could turn so easily. I don't trust myself one bit."

"Well actually that wasn't what I was thinking" says Jenny, and you sense her discomfort.

"You think that would work?" Asks Missy and you are desperate to know what thoughts they have somehow both landed on.

"You could be her physical, and I could be her emotional. Let's be honest, she's considerably calmer around me. You don't half wind her up with your thoughts." Jenny proposes, and you know she's thinking of New York.

"I would want to be more than that." Says Missy sadly, and you hate to think of her in pain.

"Me too, but it's hurting her to make her choose. It clearly hasn't worked." Replies Jenny.

"Do you think she'd go for it?" Ask Missy finally and you smile in comfort.

You stretch and nod, and they seem surprised that you are awake.

"(Y/n)!" Says Jenny in uncomfortable surprise.

"So do I get to call you both my girlfriends now?" You mutter sleepily, too exhausted to be embarrassed.

"Only if it works" says Missy unsurely and you smile.

"Then can one of my girlfriends take me to bed?" You whine and they smile. 

"Of course"

Jenny scoops you up carefully and you feel Missy following steadily, holding open the door for Jenny to carry you through. 

She lays you softly on the bed, then goes to roll away, but you pull her back in.

"My girlfriends" you sigh sleepily and they chuckle, taking it turns to kiss you lightly on your forehead. 

Smiling and content, you fall asleep between them, cuddled up close to their surreal warmth.


	8. Bet

When you wake you almost aren't sure why you're so happy, then you remember. 

With a smile you open your eyes, only to find two sets of eyes directly above you. You shriek and roll away in alarm while they fall back on the bed, creasing with laughter. 

You try to catch your breath then cross your arms, sulking.

"How long have you two been waiting like that" you breathe and Jenny laughs.

"Honestly, probably longer than we should have. We couldn't resist." She winks and you smile.

"Well so long as you're getting along and not killing   
each other." You smile and Missy smirks.

"Oh I haven't ruled it out completely yet" she says and you punch her lightly on the shoulder.

"Right come on you, get ready" she replies, scooping you of the bed and pushing you gently in the direction of the bathroom. 

You roll your eyes and get ready, feeling wonderfully light and carefree. You hadn't realised what you had wanted, because you didn't think it was possible. 

You only hoped they were as happy as you were. 

You wouldn't be able to tell with Jenny, but perhaps with Missy...? No, she had a right to privacy, and you needed to stop thinking that way. You weren't going to be the one who ruined this. Missy had been joking when she threatened Jenny just then, but deep down you knew that the second this came apart at the seams, she might just turn dark. 

They tolerated each other for your benefit only, and you couldn't push them too far. You would have to be careful and tactful, giving each appropriate attention. 

Actually this was going to be quite difficult, but worth the effort you feel. 

You dress in dungarees and a long coat, mind turning over all the possibilities before coming out the bathroom to find them leaning against a wall. 

They must've been talking about you, for they turn suddenly quiet when you enter. 

You smile and they offer a hand each at the same time, which you take gladly, Missy on your left and Jenny on your right. It feels good and natural. 

An image comes to mind from Missy, and it's you all exactly as you are now, so maybe she was happy. 

You all walk into the console room where The Doctor and Yaz stand, scrutinising you carefully. 

They look distinctly on edge.

"What?" You say defensively, and Yaz shrugs.

"So you're with Jenny now?" She asks and you are surprised by her boldness.

"Well yes" you say with an uncalled for blush. Yazs' face stretches into a smile and she sticks her tongue out at her own girlfriend.

"But also Missy" you add and The Doctor punches the air, making you jump.

"I called it, you owe me a tenner!" She cries at a frowning Yaz.

"No she said Jenny too, and Jenny first, so I think I win." She responds with a frown.

You break away from your girlfriends- it feels really good to call them that in your head -and cross your arms impatiently.

"You were betting on us?" You say in disbelief and The Doctor shrugs this time.

"Just thought we'd keep things interesting." She says and your mouth drops.

"Unbelievable" you mutter and Jenny hooks your hair behind your ear.

"Ignore them my love, they're a pair of children" she says and you giggle.

Looking up, you see a brief exchange of glances between Missy and The Doctor. The former looks stubborn, the latter worried.

"It's none of your business" hisses Missy and you slip your hand into hers comfortingly, squeezing gently. 

She looks down and smiles. 

You turn to The Doctor.

"We're just seeing if it works. Please, we'll be careful" you say and she sighs, then nods.

"Ok, but the second it doesn't feel right, you need to work it out" she warns and you nod.

"(Y/n) I'm talking to you." 

You start, surprised.

"I don't know how emotion will mess with your abilities. You need to be in control." She says almost harshly. You nod and Missy steps protectively into front of you.

"She'll be fine" she says firmly and they hold their gazes for a moment before dropping them.

"You've been warned, now onto the other stuff. I don't know what you're up to, but I know Jenny is Ace so she is exempt. I hope you are using protection and safewords for if things get too far-"

"Doctor!" You exclaim, blushing and interrupting her.

"Im serious! You need to be safe when-"

"For the love of god would you give it a rest" sighs Missy, unbothered but sensing your discomfort.  
"It's not like that."

The Doctor gives you a disbelieving look, and you scowl. Then get an idea. 

Taking a memory from one of Yazs' thoughts she had had a while ago, you throw an image of her embracing The Doctor passionately. The Doctor gasps and blushes furiously, stumbling slightly as she is hit powerfully.

You almost fold laughing as the time lady shakes her head in embresement.

"Not very nice is it? Having people picture you doing things?" You say innocently and she scowls.

"You had that one coming you blonde clown" comments Missy, Scottish accent thick, while Yaz runs to comfort the woman.

"Yeah alright" she mumbles, very hot and bothered.

"Where do you even think of that?" She asks grumpily and you wink.

"Yaz of course" you say and now the human gasps in embarrassment. Jenny sniggers gently but you are snorting unattractively now.

"And I so thought you'd learnt your lesson" says Yaz, hands on her hips. "Guess I'll have to teach it again" she says, approaching you. 

You shriek and duck behind the console, weaving between all three women to escape her, but she catches you and places her hand on yours, giving you image after image of intimate encounters with Missy.

"Yaz!" You exclaim, wincing and stumbling with your eyes closed until the real life Missy catches you. 

Unfortunately your mind is still very active, and in your attempt to relieve yourself of those images, you give them to her. She openly laughs and then turns to Yaz.

"Well you can be creative when you want can't you my dear" she says saucily as you and Yaz both die of embarrassment.

"And this is where I'm glad to be exempt" says Jenny, pulling The Doctor steady.

"Right, Missy have you got (y/n)? Tell her to stop casing havoc, Yaz you too, and mum come on stop sulking, you did technically start it." She giggles as The Doctors' face finally clears.

"Right, are we actually going somewhere?" She asks adjusting her clothes, and you nod eagerly within the safe confines of Missy's grasp, definitely ready for another adventure.


	9. Festival

You land with a resounding crash and The Doctor smiles apologetically at your discomfort. 

You roll your eyes and lead the way out and immediately into a huge crowd. You stop, uncomfortable, and feel Jenny place her warm hand on your back. 

You relax slightly, taking in the colourful scene surrounding you. There are lights and colours in a happy blur, and you seem to be standing in some kind of town square, but the buildings are all made out of shiny grey stone. 

Little booths line the edge of the square, brandishing spices and herbs and talsams, scarves and fabrics, gems and ornate decorations. 

Music seems to be emanating from the orange street lamps, and altogether the atmosphere has a party feel to it. The others are gazing around in awe too, except Missy who looks rather disgusted.

You give her a questioning glance and she rolls her eyes. She hates people at the best of times, especially ridiculously happy ones.

"Feel free to explore! Stay safe!" Calls The Doctor as Yaz drags her towards a gem stand. You turn to the others and they look at you expectantly.

"So what do you want to try?" Jenny asks and you grin.

"Everything!" You exclaim, and pull her towards a fabric stand, Missy stalking along behind, giving salty looks at the smiling children.

You inhale some spices and choke, feeling snuffed up with their aroma. With your eyes watering you can just about make out Jenny laughing at your facial expressions. 

You hear something in the distance and turn to see a small pub with open doors. You enter eagerly, and find yourself standing at the edge of a dance floor where women in pretty skirts dance ethereally. 

Your mouth drops one in wonder, as you sway in time to the music. One of the women spots you and breaks away, reaching for you hand with a smile. 

You giggle and protest but she pulls you into the centre and starts twirling you around, while you try awkwardly to keep time. 

You glance over at Missy and Jenny, who are stood trying not to snigger. Well, you'll show them. 

The woman has just unintentionally showed you through her mind the next couple of dance steps, and you find yourself following with reasonable success. The crowd cheers and you giggle, really getting the hang of reading each move before she does it. The other women join in, and you find yourself dancing in perfect synchrony with them, laughing and snorting at the bizarre technique. 

You lose sight of the crowd as you spin and twirl, reading the woman's mind even when she lets go for a moment, holding the connection until she grabs you again. With a final drum beat you finish, gasping and giggling, red in the face.

"That was really very good Miss" the girl who took your hand originally says, and the others nod in agreement.

"Thank you for letting me join in, that was really fun" you respond and one places her hand on your waist while another strokes your hair, seeming intrigued. 

You don't mind the soft touch, sensing no danger, but then you feel both their hands slapped away by a seemingly furious Missy and Jenny.

"We've got to go now" says Missy coldly, taking your hand and pulling you away.

"Take you hand off her. Now" threatens Jenny and you start. You've never seen her take that tone before.

"It's ok, I'm just making friends" you say but they have marched you firmly out of the pub and into the street where they swing you round, wearing identical expressions, arms crossed firmly.

"What was that!" You demand, upset they may have offended the dancers.

"You need to be careful (y/n), they wanted to be more than friends!" Says Missy sternly

"They could have seriously taken advantage of you!" Adds Jenny crossly

"I can't believe this" you say angrily. "You aren't seriously jealous?" You demand and their faces soften slightly. "Unbelievable" you mutter, turning to walk away.

"(Y/n), we're sorry, we just can't help it" says Jenny apologetically.

"We don't want to lose you" says Missy, Scottish accent purring.

"You're not going to lose me, I promise I was just having some fun" you say softly, looking them each in the eye. "But you can't protect me from everything" you say seriously.

"We can try" says Jenny stubbornly and you roll your eyes.

"No, you can't. You know what I'm like, trouble is attracted to me like a magnet" you mutter. "But you're just going to have to accept that, I can't have you charging in and tearing the world apart if something were to happen" you say

"You couldn't stop us" shoots Missy and you wince, knowing the havoc they would cause over anything that tried to hurt you. 

"Just, relax a little. I'm fine" you say and they visibly unclench.

"I'm sorry my love, we won't be quite so forward next time" says Missy, pulling you toward her and placing a kiss on your forehead.

"We just need you safe" whispers Jenny, stroking your hair. You smile up at them, then grin mischievously.

"I've never seen you two jealous before! Actually it was quite sweet" you say slyly and they scowl, proving your point.

"Well it's nice that you care, but honestly, I didn't even look at any of them" you say, and that was the truth. You had been dancing for your girlfriends.

"I know, we were stupid. It just felt weird seeing them all over you, and touching you" growls Missy and you boop her on the nose. She smiles.

"Down girl! Jeez I'm going to have to keep a lead on you at this rate" you say and she winks, herself again.

"If that's what you're into..." she trails off and you blush, slapping her on the shoulder. She laughs and tickles you under the chin, making you squirm.

"Will you two give it a rest" says Jenny grumpily and you cup her face gently with your available hand. 

"Don't worry, you're definitely better behaved" you whisper and her face clears as she claps in mock excitement.

"My two girls. One bad one good. Both possibly more trouble than they're worth...?" They gasp and grab a hand each indignantly.

"Only joking, plenty worth the effort" you smile at each of them, and they grin happily too. 

Really, through your constant insecurity, it was nice to know they cared.


	10. Revenge

You emerge from the by street, looking around with a smile as your girlfriends wait for your next move. 

You consider the gem stones when you are hit with an image so powerful you slap your hand to your forehead in pain.

"Ow!" You shriek, trying to shake it away. It was The Doctor, incapacitated and alone in some dungeon. You breathe heavily as they steady you.

"(Y/n) what's wrong!" Cries Jenny in alarm, but you ignore her, straightening up and looking around anxiously for whoever you took that image from.

"(Y/n) what is it?" Hisses Missy, but you take off after a likely looking assailant, following them through the crowd. 

You have no other lead other than their hurried pace as they shove through the crowd, you following desperately, leaving the girls behind.

You catch another image, and this time it's of him- a tall alien with blue skin and strange facial markings- putting a gag on The Doctor. 

Really panicking now, you spot the time lord twenty feet away, looking at a stall behind Yaz. Luckily, your persuit hasn't yet noticed her. You break through the crowd and launch yourself at her, where she catches you and looks down in alarm as you gasp.

"Must... leave.... now" you choke as she puts you back on your feet.

"(Y/n) what's wrong? Where are the others?" She begins but you shake your head, grabbing her wrist and pulling her towards the general direction of The Tardis.

"Yaz! Babe come on! (Y/n) let go, what's the problem?" She demands as you look around hurriedly.

You don't answer, using all your energy to search for the blue man, managing to tow her all the way back into The Tardis when she stops struggling, realising you were serious. 

Yaz jumps in behind, and to your relief you find Jenny and Missy have also caught up. The Doctor spins round and grabs your shoulders, forcing eye contact.

"(Y/n), tell me what's going on, now" she says calmly and you open your mouth to speak, hands on knees.

"There's someone out there who wants you, I don't know what for, but it doesn't look good. He's chasing you, and I could see..." you stop, refusing to go on.

"What could you see?" She prompts gently, and you point at her hand. Resigned and slightly apprehensive, she gives it to you, and you close your eyes as you play back the image from the blue man. 

She lets go and looks around worriedly.

"And you just caught his thought as he was passing?" She inquires and you nod.

"You're right, I'm more sensitive to thoughts concerning you lot" you grin weakly and her face softens.

"Well thank you for telling me, but I really don't think theres anything to worry about" she says and you stop, scowling.

"I'm sorry but is anyone going to tell us what's going on?" Asks Jenny impatiently and you turn, having forgotten your conversation was somewhat internal then.

"We don't all have mind voodoo, can you please talk externally, it's very annoying my love" says Missy and you look at their faces. 

They look slightly hurt, and you realise you ran off immediately after telling them you would be fine. Feeling bad, you walk over and place a hand each in theirs. Both faces relax.

"Sorry, I won't do that again. I saw a picture from a man of The Doctor, having been taken. He was hunting her. I had to find and warn her" you say as Yaz slips her hand anxiously into her girlfriends.

"Everyone stop panicking. I'm fine" she says and you raise your eyebrows.

"You heard the woman; I say we get back out there and hope for the best." Mutters Missy and you scowl.

"Doctor it isn't safe" you pleade and she smiles.

"I wasn't done exploring" she says lightly. "I'll be careful, I know what he looks like now" she says and you sigh in defeat. Then gain inspiration. 

"Ok well I'm a little tired, I might stay here" you say and nobody minds. They leave one by one, offering to stay behind and keep you company but you refuse, saying you wanted to sleep. 

Naturally you had no intention of sleeping, and fifteen minutes later you have caught up and are walking twenty paces behind The Doctor, keeping a firm lock on her mind. 

The occasional thought floats back, and you are relieved each time to find she was safe and content. 

You listen out for any sign of the blue man but he is no where in sight, so you continue your mild stalking of The Doctor, reasoning with yourself that you had no ill intention behind it. 

Looking up for another quick check, you see a fleeting image that makes your heart stop. It's from the perspective of someone hiding ten feet away behind a wall, wielding a knife, head full of the time lady. 

Furious, you whip round and duck behind that wall too, sneaking up on him. 

You should be scared, he's much bigger than you and a man, a natural fear of yours. But now all you want is revenge.

He turns and looks momentarily taken aback before you seize his wrist against your own will and sink deep into his mind in one movement. 

You give him a picture of himself being impaled by his own knife, and actually enjoy his screams of agony as he imagines the pain. 

The actual knife drops onto the ground with a sharp clatter, but you don't stop, justice plaguing your thoughts.

He falls to his knees as you force horrific images of mutilation into his head, making him sob with phantom misery. 

Finally you pull away, and kick him swiftly in the back for good measure. 

All this takes barely thirty seconds. 

You were efficient.

You turn and don't look back, heading serenely back to The Tardis, a sense of power and fulfilment coursing though you. 

You jump back in just before The Doctor and Yaz enter, both looking surprised to find you standing, slightly flustered on the deck. 

You try to smile innocently but The Doctor narrows her eyes suspiciously. You are saved answering questions by the arrival of Missy and Jenny, both looking around and landing on you, grabbing a hand each. 

The high from your recent excursion fresh, you pull Missy down and kiss her gently. She smiles and relaxes until you break away.

"I was only gone half an hour" she chuckles and you sigh, leaning back into Jenny, who kisses you lightly on the forehead.

"Something wrong poppet?" She asks and you shake your head.

"Nope. Nothing at all" you smile.


	11. Time

"No really, I'll be fifteen minutes" you say and Missy sighs.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Asks Jenny and you smile.

"I'm just going to the library to find a book, it'll help me sleep. Not exactly life threatening" you say and Jenny raises her eyebrows.

"Unless you get possessed...?" She suggests and you thump her with a pillow.

"Well that's not exactly likely to happen twice now is it?" you say as Missy looks at you worriedly.

"There, Jenny can spend this time telling you all about it" you say, sliding off the bed. Both are fully dressed, sitting atop the duvet where you would usually be snuggling down by now, but you want to see the library.

"Ok well be careful" says Jenny and you mock salute to a chuckle from Missy before leaving and heading off in the right direction.

You run your hand against the wall and do some serious thinking. 

That mans face kept swimming in front of your vision. 

You didn't stay to help, you didn't even call anyone else to help. In fact, you still wouldn't have done, he deserved it, you think fiercely. Then stop. 

You may have done some serious damage. 

You'd never know. 

You didn't care. 

Arriving at the library much sooner than expected, you step onto a crinkled piece of paper in the doorway. 

It's a newspaper clipping, not the front page, just a small article, easily missed. Scooping it up, you read the title.

Dejahuiys' mystery killer of the mind

On the late afternoon of quorit 23, Mr Feldga was found unconscious in an alleyway after a serious assault. What's interesting is that the man had little to no physical injuries, instead his very mind seemed to have been tampered with. He provides a description of his assailant, a short human girl with (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes. Apparently unarmed, the human tortured the man with her telepathic ability and left him to die. For those of you unfamiliar, a human is a mortal creature with a pitiful lifespan found on the planet Earth, in the Milky Way. As yet, humans have been seen as untalented in the area of telepathy, but could that be changing? Witnesses have been urged to come forward with any information they may have.

You stop and breathe, scrunching the ball into your hand. 

"Quite a coincidence isn't it?" Says The Doctor from the shadows. 

You don't jump. 

You knew she was there.

"Happened the very day we visited, down to the time zone." She comments lightly. 

You don't move.

"It doesn't show a picture of Mr Feldga, but I can imagine what he looks like" she says calmly.

"He deserved it" you say determinedly and her eyes widen inquisitively.

"Did he?" She asks quietly.

"No" you reply, slumping onto the familiar maroon sofa. The Doctor settles herself beside you and you sigh.

"I didn't mean it to go that far. I just wanted to teach him a lesson. I looked in his mind, he was ready to hurt you" you plead and she nods understandingly.

"His name is Greberuy Feldga, proud Immunopoitin and member of the shadows proclamation" she says and you look at her. "He's been hunting me for several years now. Perhaps three faces back?" She mulls and you frown.

"You know him? And you knew he wanted to hurt you?" You say in disbelief and she nods curtly.

"He has three offspring, if he were to lose me completely, he would be out of a job. So I appear every couple of years or so, to lead him back on the right path" she smiles and you look at her in wonder.

"You did all that, for someone who wants to kill you?" You question and she nods.

"Kindness wins (y/n)" she says and you drop in slight shame.

"I'm sorry Doctor" you whisper and she pulls you into her, where you relax, listening to the strong beat of her hearts.

"You're learning. You saw an opportunity to help a friend, and you took it. Perhaps too far." She says graciously and you wince.

"Will he be ok?" You ask and she is very quiet.

"Do you remember, a while ago now, when Missy wanted you to learn to control your abilities?"she asks and you nod against her. You wouldn't forget that in a hurry. 

"I think it's time. Not just your physical abilities, but exceeding control. We can continue with therapy too, and altogether it could help" she suggests and you recognise defeat.

"Ok" you sigh and you feel her smile.

"You can lead a very normal life (y/n)" she offers but you don't reply.

She leans down and places a hand on yours, thinking hard of an image that appears in your own mind. It's yourself, carefree and swinging between Missy and Jenny, in complete control. You can't help but blush.

"Maybe" you respond doubtfully and she understands.

"Is there anything else?" She asks and you shake your head.

"No I'm fine" you say, leaning away from her.  
She looks at you sadly and you attempt a smile. 

"You are worth it (y/n), and you are enough" she mutters as she rises. You smile at your knees and she strokes your hair before leaving. You see her lilac coat disappear behind a shelf, and know she has gone. 

You pick out the first book your fingers touch, and head back to your room, finding both the women looking in opposite directions.

"What now?" You sigh and Missy looks at you appraisngly.

"21 minutes and 33 seconds" she comments and you roll your eyes.

"Sorry mum" you say and she looks indignant. "Oh you're going to pay for that one" she says, knocking you off your feet in one movement and into her arms while you giggle.

"Ok ok I take it back, what do you want to be called?" You says and she catches your eye and winks. You blush and grip her tighter.

"Missy you're so bad!" You shriek and she laughs. "That's is, your my bad girl" you say and she kisses you lightly on the nose.

"And what's golden girl over there going to be a called them?" She asks and you look at Jenny who raises her eyebrows warningly.

"My good girl of course" you say and she smiles as Missy tips you onto the bed. You curl up and pull them both towards you. 

They chuckle and comply as you rest a leg on Jenny and an arm on Missy. 

Warm and safe between your girls, you fall asleep, determinedly ignoring your earlier conversation with The Doctor.


	12. Memories

TW: mentions of assault 

You spend that night drifting to and from conciousness, only one particular nightmare wakes you up completely. 

You were with Jay, he had followed you down the alleyway that you had attacked Mr Fedgra in. 

He held you close and salivated over you while you squirmed and kicked furiously, pulling at your clothes, so you began to scream...

That's when Missy wakes you up, gasping and screaming. 

"Who was that?" She says as you shake in terror, checking you are safe. Jenny pulls you close to her and you bury your face in her chest.

"Was that Jay?" Says Missy, and your stomach drops as you realise you must have shown her your nightmare. 

You don't answer. She is very quiet.

"You're safe (y/n)" whispers Jenny comfortingly. "It was just a dream" she seems to be talking to both of you. You don't need to touch Missy to know what she's thinking. 

Rage rolls off her in waves that you can feel as though it's burning you.

Against your better judgement, you place a hand in hers, recoiling when you catch the onslaught of violent images rushing her brain.

"I'll kill him" she growls and you suddenly feel very scared. You knew what Missy was like before you met her, her old faces, even this one for a while. 

You didn't doubt for a second that she would.

You whimper and Jenny squeezes you, humming softly, trying to get you back to sleep. You try, but Missy is absorbed, and you can't help but worry about what she would do is she were ever to meet him.

* * *

Since you didn't get much sleep, you are pale and sleepy the next morning. 

Jenny gives you a piggy back to the console room, with Missy following silently. She hasn't said a word since your nightmare and you are trying to ignore the fear eating you up because if it.

Jenny sets you down lightly and you watch out the corner of your eye as Missy looks at The Doctor. They exchange low mutterings, The Doctors' face creasing in worry. 

Feeling sick, you turn back to Jenny who smiles anxiously and strokes your face. You allow the soft tingles to engulf you, closing your eyes until the raised voices of the Time Ladies reaches your ears.

"I said no" finishes The Doctor firmly. "That's not who you are anymore." Missy scowls, then looks at you, unexpected fire burning in her eyes. She approaches and you are wary until she makes an effort to soften her features. 

"Missy what's wrong?" You stammer and she tries to control her breathing. 

"I just find it a little hard to control my temper sometimes." she mutters and to step back into Jenny, your fears being confirmed. 

"Missy it was just a dream," you plead and she looks at you.

"He hurt you" she says stiffly and you shake you head defiantly.

"It was a long time ago, please Missy. Just let me forget" you beg and she closes her eyes in pain.

"There is a man. Walking free on Earth. Without consequences" she whispers and you let go of Jenny.

"You don't think I've thought about it? How easy it would be? I'm trying to escape, Missy. Let me do that." You say, and for some stupid reason you feel tears prick at your eyes. Missy leaves while Jenny spins you around and lightly wipes them away.

"I don't know what to do" you sob and she pulls you in, running her slender fingers through your hair.

"It's ok my little angel, I won't let her do anything" she replies and you snuggle into her warmth, breathing in her raspberry and vanilla scent. 

"What do you need?" She asks and you sniff, thinking.

"Can we- can we see Abi?" You ask and she stiffens. Then relaxes. 

"Of course" you bury you head back into her, and she holds you as you take off after a brief exchange with The Doctor. She keeps you steady and you barely stumble as she grips you securely. You feel safe.

You head out the doors when you land with Jenny going to follow. But now you had a plan.

"I'll be ok by myself" you sniffle, and she looks down at your watery eyes.

"I'll be right here if you need me" she replies, squeezing your hand as she lets go. She walks back inside the box, and you wait for the doors to close.

The second they shut you take off, sprinting the length of the graveyard and out the gate, pounding down the path. 

Walking it takes just over ten minutes, so you should be able to do it in under five. 

You don't let yourself slow even when your side starts protesting with a stitch. 

You gasp, clothes clinging to you as sweat builds on your forehead and back. 

Eventually you stop, hands on knees and gasping. But you had no time for a break, you had to be fast. 

You don't allow yourself to look up at your estate, knowing the memories would try to drown you. You can't help but spot the littered parking lot however. 

That does make you stop. 

You can almost see the black taxi with the uninterested man pulling up, calling your names in a bored voice. 

You remember how you felt so out of options. You had let Abi get in first. Always the first to escape. Remember how it had driven you away. 

You wonder if her room had been emptied. Probably, Jay wouldn't have kept any of your stuff. But maybe the bed was still there. 

This hurts more than you would expect to think about. 

She had cried on your shoulder almost the whole way. You hadn't even spoken. You wasted those precious few hours when you could have talked through them all. Comforted her at least. 

It had been cold, and you had wrapped your arms around her to try and keep her warm. You wrap your arms around yourself now, feeling hopeless. 

That was a lifetime ago. 

You pull yourself away and continue with your job; to save the man who killed her.


	13. Last

TW: Rather graphic sexual assault

Your hand hovers over the knocker while you try and convince yourself to do this.

You hate this very building, and once this was done, you would never return. But you needed to do this. 

You weren't doing it for him, after all.

If Missy did get her way, The Doctor wouldn't let her travel anymore, and you would have to say goodbye. 

You've said that enough times throughout your life already. 

So, with your breathing pounding in your ears, you knock twice, and not very loudly. You feel panic rise as he approaches on the other side, and you bite your cheek to ground yourself, wincing at the sharp tang of blood and sore flesh on the inside of your mouth. He swings open the door and stops, staring at you in silence.

"(Y/n)?" His voice cracks, and you nod. You didn't really have a way to explain this one. Of course, you were supposed to be dead.

"Can I come in?" You ask with a shaking voice and he nods, stepping aside. Palms clammy, you keep him in your eyesight at all times. Same rules still apply. He leads you to your table, still so familiar.

"How- how are you here?" He asks hushedly, and you decide on your plan.

"I came to warn you. You need to get away. There are people coming for you" you say and he grunts angrily. 

You flinch.

"They've already bloody been! Marching round with their noses in the air, saying some crap about child protection." He grunts, then looks at you closely.

"How the fuck are you here?" He says and you sense his impatience. He doesn't like not knowing.

"I'm- I'm leaving too" you say wildly. "That wasn't really my funeral" you say randomly and he raises his eyebrows.

"Don't... don't you lie to me. I saw it. I was there. It was that some sort of trick you little bitch?" He hisses and you scrape your chair back loudly.

"You need to leave. As soon as possible. There are people coming for you" you repeat and he stands. 

You gulp, a panic attack threatening to engulf you.

"Hold on right there. You don't get to come in here telling me what to do, now I asked for an explanation, and you are damn well going to give me one!" He says, standing too.

You back away instinctively and he laughs humourlessly.

"You're not going anywhere. What do these people want then? Is it you? Cos I'll give them you" he says with a wicked smile.

"No really, I just came to tell you-" you start in a terrified squeak.

"Nobody is going to tell me what to do in my house!" He bellows and you duck as he throws a mug at your head. It misses, but only just.

"NOW TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON YOU LITTLE SLUT!" He thunders and you turn to run for your life. You hear him pounding along behind you, and reach for the handle, pulling open the door, only to have him slam your fingers in it then drag you into the main room, screaming in pain.

"TELL ME WHATS GOING ON!" He spits, pinning you done on the floor, arms above your head.

"Please! I don't know I don't know!" You cry and he bites your shoulder, making you scream impossibly louder. 

He clamps his hand over your mouth and you panic, now unable to breath. He is breathing heavily, and pulling at your top. Realising what's happening, you try to roll away, but he is too strong.

He rips open your shirt and pulls done your jeans, all the time you try to bite his hand and make any noise at all. He slaps you so hard you feel dizzy, only registering the dull sound of a zip. 

You close your eyes as you feel the first thrust, tears soaking out your eyes, sobbing and snotting over his iron grip hand. 

Again and again he goes, while you whimper each time, taking longer than usual to detach yourself from your senses. You're out of practice. 

Eventually though your mind leaves your body, floating up and leaving your eyes blank and staring, staying that way long after the has released you and is creaking around upstairs, slamming a door somewhere. 

You blink, moving one small limb at a time, starting with your fingers. At least one is broken from the door. You pull yourself up, retching at the sensation from your lower body. 

You dress as though in a dream, and hear dull thuds from above. 

So he was packing after all. At least he would get away from Missy. 

You stand, swaying, hair mussed and face blank. It would stay that way for a while now. 

You've been much longer than the twenty minutes you intended to be, and so, feeling as though you were made of lead, you open the door with your good hand, and step out into the cold air. 

You begin to walk, wincing at the pain. 

Your mouth is open, but you don't bother to close it. 

You reach out to the banister and somehow make your way down to the ground floor, leaving through the parking lot. 

You should have expected it, and should have been prepared. And you should be dealing with it better. It certainly wasn't the first time. 

Unable to contain yourself, you vomit onto the pavement, earning disapproving looks from an elderly couple opposite. 

You walk in slow motion all the way back to the graveyard, spotting the blue box of sanctuary in the distance. You couldn't do it. How could you do it? Missy would kill him. 

You needed to sort yourself out first, but realise pretty quickly that that is near impossible. And so, upon reaching The Tardis, you knock shakily on the door, and wait for it to open.


	14. Empty

TW: mentions of sexual assault

The door swings open almost immediately and you fully flinch at the sudden movement. 

Keeping your head down, you try to push past, only for someone to grab your hand and spin you round, staring at you in concern. 

You pull away desperately, and Jenny looks at you, hurt and confused.

"(Y/n)? What's wrong? What's happened?" She exclaims, and you feel all your strength leave you as you drop to your knees, face in your hands, and begin to cry. 

She bends down to help but you whimper and crawl away, all fear restored. 

"(Y/n)? Jenny? What going on?" Says Missy appearing from a corridor. 

You cry harder, burying your head in your knees that are drawn up to your chest, hyperventilating and finally screaming at the top of your lungs, letting your pain echo around the room. 

Missy runs and tries to hold you, but you slap her away, screaming and yelling, feeling your throat burn. The tears flow like waterfalls, and your face is hot and screwed up but you don't stop.

Your breathing quickens and you grab your hair, pulling at it furiously, banging your head on your knees.

"Get them away from me!" You scream and Jenny recoils.

"(Y/n) love what is it? Talk to us!" Says Missy in alarm but you are beyond reason.

"What's that noise?" Demands The Doctor, also appearing from down a corridor. She spots you and gasps at your state.

"Right, you two, out" she says sharply and they protest, but she is deadly serious. They leave against their will and she bends down, making you scream impossibly louder.

"Get it away from me!" You cry as she tries to talk to you over your screams.

"They're gone! You're safe, (y/n) what happened? Did someone hurt you? Was it Missy?" She asks quickly and you shake your head.

Realising you were beyond reason, she tries to make you breathe, something you were currently struggling with.

"I want you to breathe with me, breathe with me now" she says patiently and you make an effort, choking on your sobs. 

She begins to count to four over and over again for the next ten minutes, until you sit, hiccoughing and sobbing drily.

"Now, I want you to keep breathing like I showed you. You are safe and we are alone. I will not touch you, but I do need to know what happened" she says evenly while you don't respond.

"Did someone hurt you?" She asks and you don't reply. She takes that as a yes.

"Was it Missy?" she asks again, and you shake your head harder.

"Was it Jay?" She says quietly and you are suddenly still, terrified and frozen as you had been when he-

You can't even think the word.

"You went home" she says and you sniff in response.

"He attacked you" you don't move.

"Did he... (y/n) did he rape you?" She asks and you shake, suddenly back in the moment.

"I am... I am so sorry" she says, her voice breaking. You continue to sob, fists wound tightly in your hair.

"Can I check you over?" She asks and you squeeze your legs together.

"We can go to the medbay. I think you're hurt" she says, sitting on her hip beside you.

"Come on" she says, standing with no sudden movements. She sighs when you don't move, and offers you her hand. 

You reject it and stand, swaying and broken inside. 

She looks at you for a swift moment before leading you down a corridor. The Tardis has put the medbay closer for your convenience and you sit up on a bed, staring blankly ahead. 

"I'm going to check your hand now" she says, and you wince as she tends to your broken fingers.

"I think these two are broken" she says, indicating your middle and ring fingers. She wraps them in tape and a bandage with a strong piece of plastic between them to keep them straight.

She does a couple of tests, talking you through it, making sure you knew way she was doing at all times.

"(Y/n)? I need to check you now" she says finally, and you knew it was coming. "I'm a Doctor. I promise, I promise I'll be quick" she says, and you lie back, knowing this was inevitable. You detach your mind further as she checks you before stepping back, laying a blanket over your gently. 

"I think you're going to be alright. No lasting damage, but there will be some bruising" she says. You can't peg her voice. It sounds so distant.

"You're safe (y/n)" she whispers as a single tear rolls down your cheek. "You didn't deserve any of this"

"I'm going to let you get some sleep" she says when you don't respond, but at this you sit up, suddenly terrified.

"Nothing can get through those doors, but I'll leave her in hyper space if it will make you feel better" she says, taking your blank look as a yes.

She looks at you for a long moment, before she turns. You know what she is seeing, you caught a couple of glimpses when she touched you during the examination. You look so... empty.

"I take it back. You're not one of the bravest people I know. You are the bravest." She says before leaving. 

The lights dim as she shuts the door, and you finally lean back. You shiver and pull the blanket over yourself. 

You could still feel him on you. 

You rise slowly and take a shower, wincing as you bother your injuries. You scrub yourself clean with your working fingers, washing over and over again to completely cleanse yourself. 

You still feel dirty. And contaminated. 

Exhausted, you fall back into bed and try to sleep. 

Only every time you close your eyes you see him. 

Tears pooling in your hair and ears, you won't let your eyes close tonight.


	15. Reactions

You are awake when The Doctor comes to check on you the next morning, laid with your eyes open, staring ahead unblinkingly.

"Good morning (y/n)" she says politely, before scrutinising your face and sighing.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" She asks quietly. 

You don't bother replying.

She dips a flannel in a bowl of water and begins to clean your face gently. You don't even flinch. She can do whatever she wants.

She drops the flannel back in the bowl and sits back.

"Missy and Jenny want to talk to you" she says carefully.

You can't even imagine explaining this to them. At best they would turn away from you. At worst, they would be angry and offended, and Missy would hunt him down...

You shake your head and she looks at you with aged eyes.

"They love you very much you know" she says but you ignore her. They wouldn't be able to see past this. You blink and she rises carefully. 

"Would you like me to give you something to help you sleep?" She offers, and you know she wouldn't be offering potentially addictive drugs unless she was seriously worried. Still you shake your head.

"It may not seem like it now, but things will get better (y/n). This isn't it. Things always turn out alright in the end, if it's not right, it's not the end." 

And she leaves you with that thought, spinning around your otherwise empty head.

You stay in the medbay for another week, refusing food and drinking only sips of water. Jenny and Missy visit alternately, but you ignore both of them until they leave. 

Missy is the only one who tries to touch you, but you can barely feel her, and what you can feel you don't enjoy. Sensing this, she doesn't try after that. 

Jenny talks softly but you don't hear her, and Yaz tries reading to you, but the stories all blur together and don't make sense. 

You are most communicative with The Doctor, but that's mostly head shakes and tears. She doesn't give up, remaining determinedly hopeful but it has no effect on you whatsoever. 

She tries therapy again but you don't engage which you know is dangerous. She will likely try and return you to the ward soon, but you find you don't care.   
You don't even contemplate ending your life, not that that would be easy given the amount of security The Doctor has on all somewhat dangerous items.

You feel that would be letting yourself off. 

You don't get to escape that easily. So instead you make yourself lie in pity, a dull shell of the person you used to be. 

About day five you wouldn't even be strong enough to move, so from them on The Doctor stops pushing gentle movement. 

Another week passes and you can barely see straight. 

You could try to fight off the tube The Doctor attaches to your stomach, except you just don't care. She starts in small amounts, but you still vomit regularly. It sticks in your hair, reminding you of the smell constantly, but you don't take a shower. The effort involved would be astronomical. 

You stop communicating completely after the first week, but no one stops visiting. You keep track of the days by The Tardis day cycle, but still you are surprised to find almost three weeks have passed and you haven't left the medbay. 

Today everyone except Yaz enters quietly, which is surprising as they have so far made an effort to come one at a time so as not to overwhelm you. Still, you don't react.

They stop, and Missy and Jenny pull up chairs while The Doctor begins the usual night routine of gently cleaning your face. Of course, you don't react. 

"I don't understand what's wrong with her" mutters Jenny, reaching for you hand. You don't pull away, but let her squeeze it with no reaction.

"She's like a zombie" says Missy, looking at you sadly. "She didn't even react to golden girls touch just then" she adds.

The Doctor sighs, bending over you and shining a light in your eyes, blonde hair falling forward slightly. You want to close your eyes at the light, but that seems like too much effort.

"She's in a state of mental shock" sighs The Doctor, stepping away while you stare blankly upwards.

"A depression?" Asks Jenny, gripping your hand harder.

"Sort of, a little more severe. She literally can't move. Everything seems like a huge effort." She looks at you a moment then back to the others. "Her body has shut itself down to protect her, so she has little sensation and almost no reactions."

"What do we do?" Asks Missy, Scottish voice husky.

"There's nothing we really can do. We'll just have to wait I think, and keep talking to her in the meantime so she doesn't detach completely from reality."

They lapse into silence. You blink once.

"Why won't you tell us what happened?" Whispers Jenny, stroking your hair. You almost can't feel it.

"Because it was her choice" replies The Doctor firmly.

"But someone did this to her" growls Missy. You want to react to her tone, but your body is too lethargic.

"She will talk to you when she's ready" says The Doctor. You expect Missy didn't like that.

"Can either of you two feel her?" Asks Jenny suddenly and they both turn to her in surprise.

"What do you mean?" Asks The Doctor slowly.

"Well I wouldn't be able to, but sometimes she transfers her own images and feelings to others, remember? It's two way!" She rushes, sounding hopeful. 

You feel both Missy and The Doctor turn to you, then place a hand each on your left arm. You feel nothing. So neither must they.

They shake their heads and withdraw, confirming simultaneously. For a second they may have believed in you. 

It hurts.

"Well can you try and give an image to her?" Jenny suggests desperately, and you feel Missys warm hand close over your wrist again.

It's quiet and distant, but you see yourself, asleep apparently and in your normal bed, looking complete serene, all worries wiped clear, Missy and Jenny propped up on pillows either side, just smiling.

A single tear rolls down your pale cheek.

"She heard you" gasps The Doctor, breaking into a smile.

"Yes, I think she did" smiles Missy sadly.

"But it wasn't enough" adds Jenny and they slip back into thoughtful silence.

You lie, feeling your Tardis family around you, and wishing more than ever that you could respond, if only for their sakes.


	16. Pool

TW: drowning

Jenny hums slightly, brushing your hair and smiling weakly whatever she catches your eye. You would love to smile back, even close your eyes in appreciation of the light strokes, but you remain frozen, staring blankly upwards on your bed. 

You've become a sort of doll, they feed you and dress you, changing your sheets often and talking to you in gentle and clear tones so that nothing is too complicated. 

They still all care so much, and you hate it. 

You hate that you are a burden, that they won't turn from you in disgust, that they don't know what happened, and that they are still blindly dutiful.   
You could scream with the frustration, but that is near impossible. Until it isn't.

The Doctor doesn't bother to lock the door, knowing you can no more move a muscle than leave, but one day you decide to test that. You are alone and it is the evening of your fourth week, and you are unbearably trapped in your own head. 

It takes all your effort just to move your legs, then push them over the side of the bed, and place your feet on the floor. The head rush makes you dizzy and disorientated, but you take a break then continue. 

Standing, you sway and blink, feeing like one of the dead. 

One foot. Then another, then another in front. 

It's impossible, and crazy, but you're doing it. 

Your muscles are already diminished and you are remarkably thinner, cheek bones sucked right in. 

Breathing heavily you continue, leaning on the Tardis wall every couple of minutes for a break. 

Recognising your determined location, the Tardis brings the room closer and you push open the door, knowing what you will find. 

The water glows slightly, reflecting strange squiggles and patterns on the ceiling. 

Taking another step, you hear a dull crash from the direction of the medbay. So they knew you were gone. 

You continue to walk in a dream like state, not hesitating to step off the edge as though across flat ground and into the clear depths of the pool. You sink until you hit the bottom, remembering at the last minute to take a deep breath. 

Your clothes hold you down which is useful, and your now permanent blank face twitches slightly into the hint of a smile. 

Eyes closed and hands wrapped in your hair, you sit cross legged at the bottom of the pool and scream. 

You scream as long and loud as you can, lungs burning as you take in some water, but you don't stop. 

This is the first voluntary noise you've made in a month, you weren't about to stop when it felt so good. 

When you finish you are beyond out of breath, and know you must head up to the surface. Only you are now over two meters deep, and fast dizzying. 

You kick slowly, decidedly leaving it up to fate. 

Apparently you aren't winning, for you feel strength leave you, and then you make the fatal mistake of sucking in a mouthful of water. 

Choking and panicking, you begin to sink again, falling backwards in slow motion. 

If it wasn't so painful you may not have even minded. 

But now something warm wraps around each of your forearms, and you feel a dragging sensation as you are pulled towards the light. Your face breaks the surface but you are too tired to try to breathe.

"Doctor! Pull her up!" Yells Missy from your left, while Jenny paddles furiously on your right. A different pair of strong arms reach under you armpits, and pull you clean from the water where you instantly collapse.

"Oh what have you done" mutters The Doctor anxiously as you lie on the edge of consciousness, wet hair in a fan around your face, little droplets of water resting on your cheeks and eyelashes.

You hear the other women emerge on the side of the pool, gasping and wringing their clothes out as they throw themselves to your side.

"Is she breathing?" Demands Missy. And you feel The Doctor's warm blonde hair tickle your face as she bends over you to listen.

"She's breathing, but only just, Jenny hand me that" she says, and you feel something hard and plastic pushed over your face, then a whooshing sound, and the feeling of oxygen inflating your lungs.

"Stupid stupid stupid, we shouldn't have left her!" Says Missy vaguely in the background while Jenny scoots forward to hold your hand.

"Please wake up baby, wake up for me now" she says earnestly, and you feel your heart struggling as well as your lungs now.

"Come on angel, open those beautiful eyes" pleades Missy and you so want to obey.

"(Y/n) come on, wake up now" says The Doctor in much calmer tones, gently tapping your face. 

With all of them silent and holding their breathes, you slowly blink and open your eyes, watching all three faces break into smiles.

"Welcome back my love" says Missy, and you blink against the harsh light.

You frown in question and fix on The Doctor who is shining a bright light in your eyes.

"Stop it you're blinding her, she's probably terrified" says Missy, swatting at the time lady irritably.

You go to push the mask off your face, and are met with Jenny's warm hand placing it firmly back. You scowl and she laughs lightly.

"No leave it on my love" she says fondly and you let your arm drop. Feeling weak and exhausted, you lie back and close your eyes.

"Sleep now (y/n), you're safe" you catch from The Doctor before you feel someone- Missy maybe -slip their hands under your drenched body and lift you close to their chest. Your head falls back, still covered by the mask, and you know you are moving. 

You allow the soft and regular pace to drift you off to sleep.


	17. Shown

They take you back to the medbay in a somber procession, and you wake again when you are placed back in you bed. You keep your eyes closed as they arrange themselves around you.

Missy takes off your outer layer of clothing and Jenny swaddles you in warm towels which you snuffle into gratefully.

The Doctor gently removes your mask and does a few more checks while the other two shoot you anxious glances.

"Well that was unexpected" says Missy, breaking the silence, mouth twitching.

"You think this is funny?" Hisses Jenny defensively, and Missy smirks.

"Ironic more like. The girl can go for a swim but can't open her mouth" replies Missy, unbelievably giggling.

"Missy, she could have drowned!" says Jenny furiously and you feel a fight coming on as Missy opens her moth to retort.

"I have got one hell of a headache, so will you both kindly shut up." you mumble, eyes still closed. 

There is a silence as they take in the fact that you have just spoken for the first time in weeks before Jenny turns and strokes your hair.

"Please don't do that again my love, it scared the shit out of us" says Missy, smiling slightly.

You screw up your face and open you eyes.

"Well hello (y/n)" says The Doctor in surprise.

"You could've just let me drown" you mumble and they pause.

"No, we really couldn't" replies Jenny quietly, taking your other hand. You can feel your anxiety rising already, so, shaking them off you sit up slightly, blinking confusedly.

"(Y/n) what happened?" Whispers Missy, and it hits you like a shit ton of bricks. 

While in your depression, your mind had been empty and unthinking. Emotion was one tenth of what you felt, and everything was so distant and detached. But now, it all came flooding back. 

You begin to gasp, failing to take in any air, tears flowing down your cheeks as you shake.

"Oh god oh god oh god" you say as the memories of what he did to you plague your mind. You place your hands over your ears and throw your head into your knees, whacking it over and over again.

"Doctor she's having a panic attack!" Calls Jenny and you feel all pressure release as they give you space. 

You howl and scream into your knees while they try desperately to calm you down, but it doesn't touch you.

"No! Get away from me! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" You scream, feeling his fingers scrabble at your clothes. 

You shake and sob until someone wraps their hand firmly around your wrist, making you panic all the more. 

Only now you can see. 

You see a huge galaxy, filled with stars and planets, and constellation and colours. And it is so beautiful. 

You slowly stop screaming as you try to focus. The image is moving slightly, like it's happening in real time. 

You sigh and relax a little more, feeling their grip loosen.

"There you go. Breathe now (y/n), you're safe, and so far away." The Doctor whispers, and you know she is telling the truth. The Galaxy is what she sees, and it is beautiful.

"I'm safe" you repeat and you feel her nod, gently lying you back into the bed with your eyes still closed. You are vaguely aware of someone placing a pillow under your head, and someone else pulling a blanket over you. You breathe, allowing the galaxy behind your eyes to consume you. You feel safe and warm and calm, just spectating.

"Now, do you want to go to sleep?" Asks The Doctor evenly and you nod dreamily.

"I want to go to sleep" you repeat in a dull echo of your own voice.

"Do you know that we love you?" Says Jenny, and you respond in the same careful tone.

"I know that you love me"

"And that you are safe? And that you always will be, here on The Tardis." Whispers The Doctor, sat on the edge of your bed.

"No one here will hurt me here. I am safe. They won't do what he did..." you mumble and they stiffen. "I know that you won't let me hurt myself" you mutter with a content little smile. "And that's a shame, because if you knew what I did, you would let me" you say almost illegibly. They are very quiet.

"I don't think you could've done anything wrong" whispers Missy and you smile.

"You have too much faith in me then." 

And with that, you slip into a dreamless sleep, the galaxy still behind your eyes.


	18. Book

You are surprisingly breathless when you wake, despite having slept more soundly than you have done in a month.

You open you eyes and sit up, clutching your tight chest. Wincing, you roll forward and gasp a little.

"Morning (y/n), how do you feel? I was thinking- (y/n) what's wrong?" Says The Doctor, putting down a a tray and approaching warily.

"Chest... hurts" you gasp as she pulls out a stethoscope and touches it to your chest.

"I think the water may have affected your lungs." She says lowly, pulling the plastic mask off the stand and putting it on your face. You sense the rush of oxygen and relax, feeling your chest release gratefully.

"Better?" She asks and you nod, pulling the mask off.  
"Well that's going to be a bit of a problem until your lungs can adjust, does anything else hurt?"

"No, I'm fine" you say and she eyes you doubtfully.

"You're not fine, and you don't have to be. Not for a while yet, and that's ok. But you need to keep moving." She says and you know she's right.

"So we're going somewhere?" 

She looks at you and you know what that look is.

"You can't leave me behind! Doctor please..." you beg and she shakes her head.

"You aren't strong enough" she says firmly and you scowl.

"Please... I'll be good, I won't wonder off and the second I don't feel well I'll tell you...." but she's still shaking her head.

"We won't be long, you can get some more rest. I promise if you're better you can come with us on the next trip" and you know there's no changing her mind.

"We can maybe do some more therapy later?" She suggests and you shrug. 

"Ok, well we won't be long, stay safe" she says and you roll your eyes, certain she has removed anything and everything that you could possibly turn into a weapon from your reach.

Sighing, you roll over and try to get some rest.

They are gone only a couple of hours, and like you suspected, many doors were locked except the library, your bedroom, and the console room. 

Both Missy and Jenny tried to stay behind but you made them go, telling them you needed some peace and quiet.

You visit the library for most of the time, reading half way through an old red volume of children's stories.

It made you smile, there was no mention of princes and princesses, it was all; The story of the Ood who couldn't talk, Three Silurians take a trip, The emperors wife, Six hundred and six adipose, The Krafayis who got left behind and so on. 

They were comforting and sweet, but almost none had happy endings you noticed. After an hour or so you stand and stretch, running your fingers along the spines until one book catches your eye. 

It's a regular book, but clearly from Earth origin. 

You pull out the aged yellow book and read the cover: Melody Malone. 

You frown and take it back to the maroon couch, slightly breathless from the small exertion- The Doctor was right, that was going to be a problem -and begin to thumb through. 

The Afterword catches your eye, written in a slightly different font, one word sticking out against the others. You skim through, certain phrases staying with you.

Afterword by Amelia Williams: Hello old friend, and here we are....Rory and I will be long gone...we will love you always...you might be alone, which you should never be...don't be alone Doctor... tell her a story...tell her she will fall in love with a man who will wait two hundred years to keep her safe...tell her this the story of Amelia Pond, and this is how it ends.

You stop and sit back in your heels, trying to understand.

This, this was defiantly aimed at The Doctor, but maybe one of their old faces. Did it matter? Probably not but you were curious.

So The Doctor knew this woman, Amelia Williams, then... what happened to her? The Doctor was old, very old, you knew Yaz had not been travelling with her long when you met her. 

So how many friends had she had? She never mentioned any of them, and if this Amelia was human, which she probably was, did The Doctor have to watch her die? 

This thought saddens you more than anything in your own pitiful life.

You had lost your sister, but you couldn't imagine living for hundreds of years now, with that weighty knowledge consuming you. 

And Missy, and Jenny, were going to watch you perish too one day. 

Hearing them calling, you stuff the book under your shirt and head out to meet them.

"Oh there you are! Library again? Missy I've got her!" Says Jenny with a smile.

"Yeah I like it there" you say, head elsewhere.

"Come on, you must be hungry" she says, offering her hand. She won't hurt you. She would never hurt you. Surely...

She sees your contemplation and smiles.

"There's no pressure, when you're ready" she says, dropping her hand. 

It's this that makes you stride forward and slip your hand into hers. She gave you the option. 

You let her lead you into the kitchen where the others are already seated and Yaz begins to tell you all about their latest adventure. You try to listen, but all you can think about is the book tucked under your shirt.

"And then we had to start running again, all because someone had to have the last word!" She finishes, booping The Doctor on the nose, who smiles fondly in response.

"Sounds great" you say, as Missy looks at you in light concern. So maybe your absence was a little obvious.

"Sorry I'm a little tired" you say, backing out your chair with a scrape.

"You'll come with us tomorrow?" Asks The Doctor and you nod with an effort of a smile.

"Of course. Can't wait" you say, and head off to your room. You know at least two people are following, and turn when you reach your door to see them.

"Goodnight (y/n)" says Missy first and you frown.

"Aren't you- aren't you staying?" You say confusedly and they exchange glances.

"We didn't think you would want- we thought you might like some time alone?" She replies and you frown.

"But we'll stay if you like" smiles Jenny and you shrug.

"Well not if you don't want to..." you say, feeling off.

They both break into smiles, and follow you into your room. You hold your breath when Missy goes to help you into bed, but she is gentle and caring. 

Of course, you can see from the image of yourself she has no intention of hurting you. You feel bad for even thinking it.

"Sleep now my love" she coos softly and you snuggle down.

"My girls" you say as they stroke your hair and waist. 

They would never hurt you.


	19. Breathe

You groan, feeling something hard and uncomfortable over your face. You lift an arm to try to brush it off but someone grabs your hand, stopping you.

You blink and open your eyes, finding yourself in your bed with the plastic mask on again, three anxious faces talking above you.

"She was struggling but we didn't want to wake her" says Missy and Jenny nods, playing with your hair.

"Well you did the right thing, I'm not sure of the extent of the damage, but we're going to have to keep an eye on her" says The Doctor, crossing her arms.

You successfully remove your mask and look around.

"What- what's going on?" You say groggily.

"What's going on is, you keep nearly giving me a heart attack. In both hearts." Smiles Missy in a strained way.

"You weren't breathing properly in your sleep so we put the mask on you" adds Jenny, seeing your confused face.

"Well I feel fine" you say, and The Doctor smiles.

"Well maybe, but you ought to carry an inhaler with you at all times, and this oxygen needs to be close too."

"But not forever?" 

"Well... we'll see how it goes" she says, you feel your heart rate quicken and The Doctor hands you a small blue inhaler that you activate and breathe.

"Point proven" she says lightly and you roll your eyes.

"Now can we go somewhere?" You ask eagerly and she frowns, ready to object.

"Ah come on, you said so yesterday! Please!" You beg and Missy chuckles next to you.

"Yeah good luck trying to keep her here." She mutters and you punch her lightly on the shoulder, sitting up on your knees.

"Fine." Says The Doctor, scrutinising you carefully. You bounce up and down then make your way to the bathroom to hide your breathlessness and next use of the inhaler. 

This was going to be difficult to make everyone believe you were truly fine. 

You found you had had few nightmares last night however, perhaps warded off by the prescence of your intimidating girlfriends. You smile at that as you shower then dress, placing the book underneath all the clothes in your hamper. 

You couldn't explain why, but it felt private. You didn't want the others to see it. 

You emerge with semi dry hair, where you sit in front of Jenny on the bed while she braids it neatly, Missy tidying the room. They lead you into the console room, holding a hand each, where you stand expectantly. The Doctor and Yaz are leaning against a pillar, looking cute as they talk. It makes you smile.

"Ok" says The Doctor, rubbing her hands together and scronching her face. "Where are we going? Past, present or future? Earth or elsewhere? This galaxy or beyond?" She announces with charisma.

"Anywhere so long as it's far away from you" mutters Missy and you snort.

"Behave you bad girl" you say and she grins.

"Sorry love, you want good behaviour, ask Miss Golden over there" she says, indicating Jenny who rolls her eyes.

"It's not difficult you know, to just think about how your words will impact others." She shoots back and you smile at her.

"Well it's easy for you my good girl, unfortunately this one does think how the words will impact others, and still chooses to say them anyway." You say, raising an eyebrow. She scowls.

"And I wouldn't want her any other way" you add and she smirks. "I've got the best of both worlds" you add and they squeeze a hand each.

"Ahem" says The Doctor and you jump slightly, having forgotten she was even there.

"Sorry yes, well I say future, if that's ok with everyone..?" You start and they nod and shrug alternatively.

"Galaxy?" She asks, already flicking switches.

"Surprise me" you say and she grins hugely, pulling on a lever as you feel the ship spin to a far corner of the galaxy. 

You land and right yourself, your girlfriends having kept you on your feet.

"Ladies first" they say in unison and you blush, letting go and leading the way out. You look around, mouth open as you take in the view.

It's a huge room, futuristic and dark, with strobe lights illuminating five dots on the floor.

Take you place echoes around the room, loud and clear. 

You cover your ears with your hands as the others step out behind you.

"Doctor where are we?" You ask as she looks around. 

Red dots appear on the ground, moving slowly to the lit up patches. You understand but don't comply.

"They want us to step on those?" Asks Yaz in disbelief and The Doctor swallows and nods.

"Apparently so..." she says, looking around furtively.

"This isn't safe, come on we're leaving" says Jenny taking your hand, and you turn gladly, only to find The Tardis has disappeared.

"Doctor where is she?" Hisses Missy and The Doctor turns in alarm.

Take your place echoes again, and you shiver, moving between Missy and Jenny. 

You don't want to admit you're scared, but you really did want to leave.

The red lights seem to be losing patience, and aim to the left of your foot, suddenly blasting a burning patch in the floor. 

You Yelp and step onto Missy who trips but catches you.

"This is ridiculous" she mutters, tightening her grip on you.

"Doctor what do we do?" Asks Yaz desperately and you see them holding hands in the semi darkness.

"I think... I think we'll have to take our places" she responds into the heavy silence.


	20. Eliminated

Looking around fearfully, you catch Missy's eye to your left, and The Doctor to your right. Yaz stands next to her, and Jenny next to Missy on your far left. 

You notice the spots of lights you stand on are slightly curved, so are only mildly surprised when about twenty five more light up, all with a different being on them. 

You say being because there is only one other human as far as you can see, everyone else is some variation of Alien. You swallow nervously.

The rules are simple. You will be asked a question, answer correctly and you shall proceed to the next round, answer incorrectly and you shall be eliminated. This will continue until a lone victor remains. Iche Venher Bastrodi.

You shiver again as one of the lights about ten spots away turns blue.

"According to the shadow proclamation's revised fifth amendment 9339 Domino, which species will no longer have a say in the universal justice system?" 

The Alien- yellow and short with long brown hair -opens their mouth.

"The Slitheen" they reply nervously, and their light turns temporarily green before it moves on to the next. 

You begin to panic, knowing full well you will have no idea of any answers if the questions continued in this manner. 

You notice black floating balls with metallic eyes hovering, and feel this may be televised. This doesn't help to calm your nerves, but now you don't dare try to talk. 

Missy shakes her head at you, and you feel she knows you were about to move. 

You are glad you don't, for someone barely five spaces to your left steps off, and is shot by a gold beam from the ceiling and have disappeared in seconds. 

The next shock comes when someone answer incorrectly and their light spot turns red. They too are shot by the beam. 

They were deadly serious when they said eliminated. 

Jenny is next and you hold your breath, but she answers her question confidently, as does Misssy. 

Your white light turns blue and you hold your breath, feeling dizzy.

"Which of the seven laws was recently revoked by the Federal Judoon goveners after it lead to the unfortunate death of a senior officer?" The voice asks and you blink back tears. You have absolutely no idea, and you now what is about to happen.

That's when you are hit with an image from The Doctor, a single picture, with scruffy words written across like clouds in the sky.

The number three... third?... someone being shot... shot?.... and another word, vague and almost unreadable.... policy? Yes!

"Third shot policy" you say quickly and your light turns green. You can almost feel the relief of the others.

The Doctor answers her question while you try to understand the new ability to show you words in the pictures. 

Yaz is asked a question and you feel your heart drop as you realise she is totally and utterly screwed... unless...

Answer?

You push the word into The Doctors mind, hoping she was close enough and it was clear enough that she understood.

"The Boshane Peninsula" appears in your head in tense words, and you turn so Yaz is in your eyeline, but you aren't staring too obviously at her.

You recite the words over and over, feeling for her mind and latching on. She gives a little start then stutters.

"The- The Boshane Peninsula?" She says in a high pitched voice. Her light turns green. 

You may just survive this yet.

The game goes on and people are slowly eliminated until barely ten are left. You really hope The Doctor is planning something, for they definitely said lone victor...

"I- I don't know" you hear, breaking you from your reverie, whipping round to see a pale Jenny. You search for The Doctor's mind and she gives you the answer, and you turn, ready to hand it to Jenny... but of course you can't. 

Her mind is unreachable as ever, no matter how hard you strained. 

In horror, you watch her floor light turn red, and scream inside your head as she is shot with the gold beam from the ceiling, until she has disappeared. 

Don't move! Hisses The Doctor in your head as you stand, tears flowing down your cheeks silently.

Get her back! You shout back in a picture, and you catch her expression as she reads the words in her mind.

I can't. We have to keep playing. I'm sorry (y/n), but it may not be what it seems, They can't have... they can't have killed her. She replies quietly and you listen instead to your frantic heart beat.

Missy answers her question shakily and it's onto you.

2839-2939 coordinates Says The Doctor in your head. 

You remain silent. 

She repeats them but you ignore her.

Don't do this (y/n)! Answer the question, we can't lose you too.

I have to find her you retort and you feel her tension in the next image.

What about Missy? What will she do? Come on   
(y/n)! She shouts, but before you can think your light turns red and you feel yourself get shot in the chest as your eyes close, only to open them moments later, finding yourself in a room with white walls, gasping slightly and feeling terribly warm.

"Well hello there, I don't mean to get you so hot and flustered..." says a familiar voice, and you turn on the spot to see a tall man with bracken her and aged eyes, lines on his smiling face, wearing a long blue period military coat.

"J- Jack?" You say uncertainly and he nods, smile broadening.

"They never forget" he winks and you blush.

"What the hell happened? Where's Jenny?" You ask hurriedly and he smiles, stepping aside. 

Something hits you like a cannon ball and you stumble as you take in the sweet vanilla scent of one of your girlfriends.

"Hiya love" she says, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"How did we get out?" You say, peeling gently away but still hugging Jenny to face Jack.

"Easy interception, simply teleported you instead of tuning you into a rotisserie chicken" he says and you roll your eyes.

"And the others?" 

"They're all fine pet" replies Jenny, and you peek over her shoulder to see a shot of the previously eliminated aliens looking very confused.

"Incoming" says Jack, clicking his watch and Missy appears right next to you. She blinks as you throw yourself at her, where she giggles and hugs you gently.

"It's alright my love" she says and you feel tears brew ridiculously.

"I thought I'd lost you both" you snuffle and they hug you, surrounding you with warmth and love.

"Never."


	21. Rest

"Well I hoped there would be a day when I was glad I don't kill you, I guess this is it." Says Missy and you turn to her.

"Be nice" you say as she crosses her arms.

Just then Yaz appears, followed shortly by The Doctor.

"We're alive?" Says The Doctor, blinking and looking around.

"You're welcome" says Jack and she looks at him in surprise.

"Oh, well thanks Jack, you're officially my favourite immortal" she says and he chuckles.

"Well now that we're done with this happy reunion, do you think we ought maybe to, I don't know, put a stop to all this?" Says Missy and you boop her nose.

"Look at you, caring about others" you say proudly and she smirks.

"Well actually I was more looking forward to kicking someone serious alien butt for putting my love in danger." She giggles and you sigh.

"Well close enough" you respond fondly.

"You're not seriously telling me you're dating that psychopath (y/n)? I thought you were with discount Doctor over her" says Jack, indicating Jenny.

"Actually I'm with them both" you say, tucking your chin at him, and they grab a hand each.

"Room for one more?" He jokes, leaning in and slapping a hand on your shoulder. 

Too much. Too close. 

You panic, feeling your eyes widen and breath hitch. You gasp and shake as Jenny pulls you back and Missy steps forward.

"It's ok, it's ok my love, you're safe." She whispers hurriedly. You shake your head and turn to run, blind panic engulfing you as memories of Jay assaulting you attack your mind. Jenny holds you firmly, Missy matching up to him.

"Touch her again, and I'll remove your lungs and inflate them like balloons." She threatens.

"Ok nobody is taking anybody's lungs, Missy behave, Jack, best not to touch (y/n) if you can help it. (Y/n) where's your inhaler?" The Doctor asks and you feel Jenny rummaging through your pockets.

"Doctor I can't find it" she hisses urgently.

"Don't worry I've got a spare" she responds, lightly tossing one from her inside pocket. 

Jenny helps you activate it then her and Missy steady you gently on your feet. You step back a little more to put a safe distance between you and Jack while your girlfriends hold you steady.

"Will everyone please calm down, (y/n) are you ok now?" Asks The Doctor and you nod in response.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you" says Jack apologetically and you shake your head and smile.

"Overreaction" you manage to say.

"Well, what would be really useful is if I had The Tardis" says The Doctor, hands on hips.

"What would be really useful is if you could keep track of the stupid machine" mutters Missy.

"What would be really useful is if you had some actually useful input" shoots back Jenny.

"What would be really useful would be good mental health." You mutter to yourself, still recovering. 

Three sets of eyes turn to you with various expressions. You needed to stop forgetting about their impeccable hearing.

"Anyway..." says Jack breaking the tense silence. "She's just over here. My original plan was to fly her to you, but she is apparently extremely temperamental" he says wit a smile.

"Not temperamental, just has taste" says Missy   
innocently and he scowls.

"She can be a bit of a drama queen" adds Jenny and The Doctor scronches her face defensively.

"When you've all finished insulting my ship!" She exclaims and everyone cracks a smile.

Jack leads you round the corner and you enter the box gratefully. The tenseness of close proximity to a man is starting to drain your energy, and Missy notices.

"Can you take it from here?" She asks the other time lady who glances at you and nods. You yawn as Missy scoops you into her arms, and carries you gently to your room. 

"No no I'm fine" you say and she chuckles.

"Can't fool me little lamb, it's nap time, you've had a big day and you need to rest" she says and you pout, making her laugh again.

"I've got her dressing gown" says Jenny, handing it to you as Missy places you on the side of the bath. 

They leave you to change, which you do slowly, not having realised quite how exhausted you were.

You step out and this time Jenny lifts you into bed, Missy pulling the duvet over you.

"I'm not tired" you say, eyes closing and they laugh quietly.

"Humour us" Missy says and you don't protest.

"I'm not a child" you mumble and Missy pulls you into her chest where you breathe in her soft scent.

"No you're a little baby, who needs her nap" she says and you draw your feet up.

"Sleepy time now" says Jenny. Gently rubbing your back and you yawn and stretch. 

"Actually I might be a little bit sleepy" you say and Missy holds you tighter.

"Just a little bit, we'll wake you for dinner" she says and you nod into her, feeling her warmth.

"Are you going to leave me?" You say quietly and she stiffens.

"Absolutely not, we'll be here when you wake up" she says and you smile.

"My girls. One good and one bad" you mutter as you drift off to sleep.


	22. Fork

You wake between your girlfriends to find your hands wrapped firmly around them. You sigh and loosen your grip and they chuckle slightly.

"Sorry, I honestly don't mean to hold you hostage" you say with a blush, while Jenny kisses you lightly on the forehead before sliding out of bed.

"Well it's not like we were going anywhere" she says and you grin guiltily, getting out of bed yourself and heading to the bathroom. Once ready you all leave for the console room together, your girls either side, stealing glances at you when they think you aren't looking. You wished they wouldn't worry so much. 

"Morning" says The Doctor, arms around Yaz and hugging her from behind. "Where we we going today? She asks politely and you look up at each of your partners who both shrug. 

"Your choice" you tell the blonde time lady and she nods, pulling Yaz chaotically behind her as she runs around the console in a blur, poor Yaz just trying to remain upright.

She pulls a final lever and you feel the whole ship shake as you take off. Grinning, you happily allow yourself to be thrown around the deck, Missy grabbing you impatiently when you nearly fall for the third time.

She shakes her head and you stick your tongue out at her, making her scowl playfully. You land with a thump, and follow a charismatic Doctor out the doors. 

"Ok, where are we?" Says Missy cautiously. She sounds worried.

"Um, Griskiei?" Responds The Doctor uncertainly. You don't know whether she is referring to a person or place.

"It's really not" says Missy a little heatedly, and you don't understand her panic. Until her mind shows you a picture of yourself, alone and scared. You can't help but smile, slipping your hand back into hers reassuringly.

"It's fine, come on, let's explore" you say, tugging her and Jenny.

"I don't understand" says The Doctor, running her hand along a rusting metal coated wall.

"Well we're not going to figure it out by standing here are we?" You say and Jenny giggles.

"My god your impatient" she says with an eye roll. You scowl in response, making her smile widen.

"Right, I'll go with Missy and Miss Whiney, you two can go that way" she indicates the passageway opposite. The Doctor narrows her eyes but nods.

"Something isn't right here, meet back in an hour, and don't touch anything." She scolds and you roll your eyes.

"Come on" you say, dragging the others. You know they could stop you easily, but they allow themselves to be hauled along. 

You let go and start skipping, giggling when your ankle does a weird jerk and you almost fall.

"An absolute child" mutters Missy, looking around warily.

"I'm just having fun, I've been pretty trapped the last purple of weeks" you remind her and she nods, looking troubled. It must have been hard for her too, you think with a pang.

"We've passed here" says Jenny after a while and you all stop. Shes right, you've turned left at this fork at least twice now. 

"We can't be going in circles?" You inquire and Missy bends down to run her hand along the width of the floor. You cock your head in fascination, then scrunch your nose in disgust as she sticks her finger in her mouth.

"Twice actually" she says, confirming your theory. You don't bother asking about her weird behaviour, you've seen The Doctor test things with her mouth before now. You supposed they could pick up more with their well adapted senses.

"So I say-" Missy starts then stops. You turn to find what she's looking at and see it too. About ten feet away is a man, lying out cold on the floor. You approach steadily with the others where Jenny bends down and checks his pulse. You are pretty sure he's dead, but Jenny looks up in surprise.

"He's breathing" she comments and you look back at him, resigned to getting too close now you know there's a chance he could hurt you. Actually his eyes are open, but unblinking. You are tired just looking at him. Very tired.

You feel a little fuzzy, like someone has put a pillow over your face. 

"I can sort that out" mutters Missy, and Jenny rolls her eyes.

"No we need to get him back to The Tardis, (y/n) any ideas?" She asks and turns to you. You stare at her blankly.

"(Y/n)?" She says, and Missy steps over cautiously. 

Slowly, you lower yourself to the floor, and kneel as waves of lethargy take over you.

"(Y/n) what are you doing?" Asks Missy, lowering herself in front of you. Jenny does the same. You shake your head and topple softly onto your side, shoulder cushioning the blow as your eyes flutter closed and you roll onto your back.

"(Y/n) my love what's wrong? What's happened?" Asks Missy urgently but you can't respond.

"Jenny help me! We need to get her back and-Jen?" There is no response.

"Oh for goodness sake Jen not you too" she sounds really scared now. Through thin slits in your eyes you can see Jenny lying a little distance away, fighting to keep her own eyes open.

"Don't do this, why are we..? Do we..?" Missy struggles, and you feel her kneel at your side, gently shaking you. "My love I need you to wake up, now" she mumbles, also going limp. You watch in silent horror as she lays too, arm over you to shield your body as best she can. 

"Stay... don't go" she says desperately, but you can feel yourself slipping, her face the last thing you see as dark unknown covers you like a warm blanket.


	23. Negotiate

"Come on my love, wake up now" Missy says, lightly tracing your facial features. You sense movement around you, pacing probably, and lowered voices.

"Is she awake?"

"I don't know Jen, does she look awake?" Says Missy sarcastically. Worry is making her short tempered.

"Behave you two" scolds The Doctor, and you feel her scan you with the sonic. It flicks off when you squeeze your eyes together and open them, looking vaguely into Missy's warm brown pair. 

"Morning" she says with a chuckle and you blink, frowning.

"Answers?" You say as The Doctor and Missy help you to your feet where you survey your new location. 

You're in the middle of a bright room with no windows, very different to the corridor you had last been in. You notice now that everyone looks very stressed.

"Well, now that you're all awake, we can begin" someone says, and you turn to see a being with the torso of a man, and the lower half of a horse. So maybe a centaur, but you're not sure if you can call him that. His body is a beautiful chestnut colour, easily the most handsome of the five surrounding him, coloured bay, Black, palomino and two greys. 

"Begin what?" Demands Missy, pushing you behind herself. She sounds seriously angry. The centaur man smiles maliciously.

"A new age" he replies simply.

"What do you want? We mean you no harm." Says The Doctor calmly, and you have to admire her steady control, like you weren't facing five alien centaur men in outer space on a ship that apparently wasn't in place. Then again, this was her every day.

"Very sweet. You'll do nicely. Certain fire, mixed with that one" -he points at Missy- "intelligence too, yes yes, very good" he mutters in satisfaction.

"We can help you if you tell us what you need" The Doctor says evenly. She keeps a tight grip on Yaz. 

"We need your DNA, but only the best parts. We need to create only the strongest for our new race. We shall be superior" he declares, the others stomping their approval. Their hooves sound eery on the grated metal deck, sending a resounding shiver down your spine.

"I can't let you do that" says The Doctor. You weren't sure if her determination was brave or stupid. These men weren't messing around.

"You're not having our DNA, trot on" hisses Missy, and you catch an image of her shooting the lead centaur through the skull, making you flinch. She apologises in a quick glance and you shake your head to rid the picture.

"We thought you might be difficult, no worry, your cooperation is unnecessary. Alioc, Crahu, seize them" he says coldly, turning and walking towards you. The remaining four begin to approach too, and you feel the others backing against the wall. One centaur swipes for your arm but Jenny dislodges him, making him snarl.

"Don't you fucking touch her" she growls with unprecedented fire.

"It doesn't have to be this way, we can help!" Says The Doctor over the sound of their approach, but they ignore her.

They swipe again and this time he has a firm hold, you twist and shriek but the others are all fighting off one each too. 

"Missy!" You shout and you watch her eyes widen in fear as you are yanked away by the palomino. He is so strong he half carries you, and you feel your breath hitch as panic consumes you. 

You shriek and flail but his grip is strong, until you watch Jenny collapse in the corner of your eye. 

Desperately you try to turn, only to watch her carried away by the black centaur, Yaz following in the arms of a grey, The Doctor and Missy still fighting. 

Panic is clouding your vision and hysteria is threatening to knock you out, but still you scream, until you are hit in the back of your head by your centaur, shutting you up.

"Please, please! My friends, we mean you no harm! You can have me! I have more than anything they can give you!" You shout and he stops, having dragged you into a whole new room. You rub your throbbing head as he surveys you uninterestedly.

"Explain" he says impatiently, and you don't hesitate, showing him yourself in his mind, just a few images but enough to show your abilities. 

You steer clear of showing him what three Time Ladies could offer.

Finally, he drops you.

"Sorcery" he whispers and you shake your throbbing head.

"Telepathy, of a kind. Let my friends go, unharmed, and you can have it. Have it all, a perfect and unmatched weapon." you say and he observes you closely.

"You are in no position to negotiate" 

"I know, but this will be much easier with my participation." You finish and he raises his eyebrows, contemplating. You hold your breath.

"You will put up no resistance, you will not struggle, you will obey every command, and you will perform to the best of your ability on all tasks." 

You nod, waiting with bated breath. 

"Then we have a deal, follow me." 

You obey silently, allowing him to lead you into a bare and basic room. One bed, a small bathroom and a dresser. A prisoner again.

"How long will you keep me here?" You say quietly, feeling an overwhelming dullness spread through you. 

He turns his head as he shuts the door, grinning slyly.

"Depends how long it takes to bleed you dry."


	24. Job

You wake with what you could pretend is Earth sunlight pouring though the windows, but is actually the harsh lights of the ship coming to life. 

Clothes are laid at the end of your bed, a grey jumpsuit, holey socks and standard brown boots. 

You let your hair fall loose about your shoulders, having nothing to tie it with. You door opens at what you imagine to be early morning, and this time a grey centaur meets you. He looks disgusted by his job at your collection. The feeling is mutual. 

He leads you wordlessly for a good twenty minutes, sensing slight descension. Arriving in another basic room with four white walls and two chairs, you are indicated to sit, so you do. 

"Prisoner subject J67, first trial of cognitive ability  
against subject C11. Proceed with trial" he says clearly, not taking his eyes off you as another prisoner in a grey tracksuit is dragged in and thrown into the chair. You decide there is something masculine about their violet holographic skin and the way they hold themselves.

"Subject J67" silence. Then you realise that is your name now.

"Er, yes?" You say quietly.

"You will find the source of C11's talents, including any and all additional information. This man is a traitor. You will not hold back." You swallow and nod, avoiding the sad eyes of the man opposite you.

"Be gentle, hey love?" He whispers and you try to nod but your muscles feel frozen. 

You realise you are going to have to touch him, and feel your heart rate pick up at just the thought. But this was who you were now. You had made a deal, and it was all that kept your friends safe, wherever they were.

Tentatively, you reach out a hand and place it on his, then flood his mind with the question. He tries not to think of it, but you can see. See his family, beautiful wife and two children walking in a deep crimson forest beneath a rising sun. He looks so happy and healthy, not at all the breaking man in front of you. He begins to sing, and all the birds stop to listen. That's where it ends.

You blink back tears and let go.

"He um, the birds listen. There's a red forest where the birds all listen" you say and the centaur nods his approval. 

"Anything else? Did he have an accomplice?" He presses. The man looks up pleadingly, and your heart breaks a little. You had no right to do this. You had no idea what he had done to earn the title of traitor, but living as a prisoner where his abilities were now going to exploited was punishment enough.

"No, no he was alone."

* * *

"You're useful, I'll give you that" 

You sigh. It's not worth answering. You've only been here a week and it already feels like forever. You just hoped that wherever your Tardis family were, they were safe.

"Husos wants you praised, you know" he says with an eye roll. You've learned their names. Husos is the chestnut leader, Alioc the palomino who first negotiated with you, and this is Rubol, your least favourite. Sarcastic and short tempered, he had a nasty habit of tying your hands together and shoving you over so you couldn't catch yourself. 

He clearly doesn't agree that you should be praised. To him, your services were your only use. 

You keep quiet. You had just finished interrogating your eighteenth victim and were feeling very drained. 

"He suggests you would like some additional freedom..." 

Now you were listening. 

"What say you? For an hour or two a week?" He says calmly and you stop in the corridor, twisting your shackled hands.

"R-really?" You gasp and he looks down in disgust. 

"I don't approve." He says and you droop.

"Lucky for you, that happy power does not belong to me. You have an hour. If by the end of the hour you have not returned... well, we'll see won't we?" He says nastily, sending a chill down your spine. 

You look pointedly at your hands and he shrugs before trotting off. Of course, he had to have the last laugh. It didn't matter, you knew exactly where you were going. 

Main prisoner cells were two floors below you, so you hurry down four flights of stairs, landing unsteadily and searching through the looking slots. 

You curse at the sheer amount, finding luck only after a good twenty minutes. The man snaps his head up and you smile a little.

"Hello" he says politely and you nod.

"Hi, sorry, I just wanted to apologise, I didn't want to-" you start but he shakes his head.

"You owe no apology, you kept my family safe" he says. "For that, I am grateful." 

You smile shyly and he frowns.

"I appreciate your visit, but you really shouldn't be seen down here." 

"I'm allowed, an hour a week I think" you respond and he nods. 

"It's an hour more then the rest of us, I say you enjoy it" he says with a smile and you shrug.

"Well actually I am, I thought maybe I could talk to some of the prisoners." 

"Well, that's very gracious of you. If you're going to talk to any of them, please talk to the lady at the end. She's driving me crazy with her shouting at every guard who walks past." 

You snort. That sounded familiar, bless her.

"Add that to the constant arguing with the others in her cell, you'd think she was dying the way she hollers" he chuckles and you shrug absently.

"I just hope for her sake that this (y/n) is worth all the fuss!"

He stops laughing as he spots your expression of calculating disbelief. But it couldn't be. They had left, that was the deal.

"Are you alright?" He asks in halting concern and you nod hazily. 

No way... then again. Why wouldn't they lie? They certainly weren't above it. 

With that you wave goodbye to the man who sang to the birds, and walked slowly to the end. What a beautiful gift. It made you feel ashamed again of your intrusion.

The cells here are bigger, clearly built for more than one person, so it shouldn't be so much of a surprise when you turn a corner and find yourself looking though the bars at four very familiar women.


	25. Even

"What the fuck?" You say, and they jump.

"(Y/n)!" Jenny and Yaz shout, climbing to their feet. 

Missy stands and wheels round in shock while The Doctor frowns.

"Language!" She mutters and you roll your eyes.

"Nice to see you too, what the hell are you all still doing here?" You demand and they exchange glances. "What? What is it?" You say, reaching your hand through the bars, only to receive an electric shock on your wrist that makes you withdraw with a hiss. The look at you in concern before all the questions flood in.

"What's going on?"

"What did you tell them?"

"Where have you been?"

They all demand and you put your hands in the air to shut them up.

"One at a time, and I don't know! I made a deal! Stupid, lying, filthy little-"

"My love, I really don't think you want to finish that sentence" says Missy with a small smile and you swallow.

"(Y/n), tell us everything you know" says The Doctor and you look at her, breathing.

"Ok, I made a deal with the centaurs, they let you go in exchange for my services. And that's what I thought was happening. But they never let you go... oh god I screwed it all up" you say and they freeze.

"No my love, it's ok we're fine, are you ok? You look thin, and tired" says Jenny and you glance at her from under your eyes.

"No I've been having the time of my life" -anxiety sarcasm again. She smiles and you grin back.

"Ok, well now that we know you're alright, we need to leave" concludes The Doctor, and that's when you recieve another electric shock, making you jump.

"Ouch! Oh you're kidding me, already?" You mutter to yourself, feeling the watch on your wrist. Your hour was up.

"What is it?" Asks Missy in concern but you brush her off.

"What do we do?" You ask the blonde time lady and she frowns. 

"I think, I need you to hoodwink a guard" she says and you stare. You had of course considers this almost immediately upon capture, but had ruled it out when you realise they knew of your capabilities. 

"They know what I can do! I can't take them all on!" You hiss and she looks at you straight.

"You don't need to take on all of them, just one to unlock our cell, I'll take it from there." She says calmly and you sigh worriedly.

"You can do this" says Yaz unexpectedly, and they all nod in encouragement. 

For them, anything. 

You set off to find a guard, coming across one far sooner than expected. 

"What are you doing down here?" He demands. He smells of sweat and mud. Leaving all insecurities behind, you delve into his mind. But it's not enough. 

You feel the connection loosening and panic, grabbing his arm and going deeper, planting thoughts surrounded with himself, utterly content with unlocking their cell door. 

Holding your breath you let go, and follow as he heads back to their cell and unlocks it in a dream like state, right as you get another big shock. You jump but the others are out.

"Well done pet!" Says Missy and you hug her back as she grips you desperately, Jenny holding tight too. 

"Ok we need to move" says The Doctor, but there was something else.

"Wait!" You cry and they stop, turning back.

"(Y/n) we need to go!" Pleades The Doctor but you shake your head.

"Please, we need to save these people!" You says and she stops.

"I'm sorry, there just isn't time" she says sadly and you feel tears brim. All these lives you'd ruined, and you couldn't make it better. 

"Just one" you choke as Missy grabs your hand and pulls you forward. You shake free. "Just one. Please" you beg and her face is torn. Finally she nods and you lead the way back to the cell of the man with the bird song. He is surprised when the door opens, and even more so when you take his wrist and get going.

"You really are full of surprises you know!" He yells as you run, making you smile in a strained way.

"I thought I owed you one!" You call back and he laughs.

"Nah we were even" he pants and you smile.

"Well, I'll tell you what, have a good life with your family. Then we're even."

You tear down corridor after corridor, you have no idea how The Doctor knows which way she was going, but suddenly it's there, The Tardis in all its glory. 

With one last zap from your watch, you fling yourself in through the doors and Jenny slams them behind you as you take off, away from the place you played prisoner and torturer.

"Well, that was unexpected" the man finally breaks the silence, and you open your mouth to respond, but instead you feel you're entire body convulse as waves of electric heat course though you. 

You shriek as panic erupts around you, tumbling to the floor and shaking until it stops in one final white hot flash. 

"Sorry sorry! You should have told me sooner!" Says The Doctor furiously ripping off the watch as you sit up, panting, Jenny supporting your head worriedly.

"He was right, I didn't want to find out" you gasp, eyes weak.

"Oh I dare you to let me back there, I'll rip them piece by piece" growls Missy at your side.

"Easy now, we're all fine" you soothe and she kneels down and strokes your face lovingly. 

"Oh! You're the screamer! Thanks for a week without sleep by the way, so you must be (y/n)!" The man puts together and you and Missy nod, still staring at each other. 

You were safe, and free. You couldn't save everyone, but one was better than nothing. You would have to explain one day, what you did to those people. 

The thought make you huddle closer into your girlfriends. Not yet. You were ultimately a selfish creature, and almost couldn't bear to have them think any worse of you than they already should.


	26. Yaz

TW: mentions of self harm

You sit on the deck the next day, leaning on the same pillar as Yaz as the three time ladies talk techno-bable that you can't be bothered to even try to keep up with.

You catch Yaz's eye who is grinning sheepishly into the distance. You raise your eyebrows at her and she blushes, changing her train of thought, but not before you catch a revolting image of what her and The Doctor got up to late last night. 

You choke as her face turns crimson and she scowls.

"Well don't go through my head then!" She says defensively as you try to clear the image.

"Jesus Yaz could you at least try and control yourself?" You say and she blushes.

"Well it's not like you're so innocent!" She replies and you stop.

"What do you mean?"

"Two girlfriends?... double the fun" she winks and it's your turn to blush.

"You know Jenny is asexual!" You say and she shrugs.

"Missy sure as hell ain't" she adds slyly and you roll your eyes skywards. "Don't tell me nothings aver happened, you sleep in the same bed" she says and you thump her on the shoulder while she laughs.

"I mean it Yaz, I have a very effective weapon" you threaten and she laughs.

"Which I believe you would use if you weren't so embarrassed by it."

"I'm not embarrassed, it was just... unexpected" you explain and she raises her eyebrows in disbelief.

"So this-" she forces another intimate picture of her self and The Doctor, now tied up to the headboard by the looks of it "-doesn't cause you any discomfort at all?" She says as you jump to your feet, shaking your head while she howls in laughter.

"Oh my god what the hell Yaz!" You say and she laughs even harder.

"I've got nothing to hide!" She calls as you pace in disbelief.

"Clearly" you mutter and she smirks, but that's when you catch another image that stops you dead in your tracks. You keep it in your mind, watching the blood pour down Yazs' wrist even faster than her tears.

"What. The hell. Was that?" You ask and she looks suddenly fearful.

"It was nothing! Forget it! It doesn't mean anything!" She says desperately while you stare at her in silence.

"You tell me right now Yasmin Khan, what that was" you say seriously and she looks uncomfortable, getting to her feet.

"Hey what's going on?" Frowns The Doctor, having noticed your standoff.

"Excellent question. Maybe Yaz should explain... or I could?" You say softly and she glares at you, all good humour gone.

"Don't you dare" she growls and you straighten up.

"Give me one, one good reason why I shouldn't" you hiss and she pauses, scrutinising you carefully.

"Because you of all people should understand" she replies and you breathe.

"Understand?" You say quietly. "It's completely irrational! It's insane! And stupid and selfish and careless!" You exclaim as Jenny comes to your side.

"What's going on?" She asks hurriedly as The Doctor asks Yaz the same thing. You both push them away, circling dangerously.

"And who do you think gave me the idea you filthy hypocrite!" She bellows and you glare at her.

"I am a fuck up! A screw up! A mistake! I have every reason, you don't!" You exclaim and she advances as The Doctor steps between you.

"Someone tell me what's going on, right now" she says but you ignore her.

"You don't get to tell me what to do, it's my choice!" She screams and you are beyond furious. You don't even know why, she was right, you were a hypocrite. How many times had you turned to a blade rather than a friend, yet here you were, lecturing her still. You are disgusted with yourself, but that is nothing new. Now all you feel is rage.

"Fine! You want it? You want to see what happens? What is does to you? fine! Have it!" You shriek, pushing image after image into her head of blades running across your wrist, your blurred vision, the worried faces of those around you, the crimson pool of blood on the white tiled floor. On and on it goes until she drops to her knees with her hands over her head, screaming in agony, but the feeling of powerful justice is back, amd you're not stopping.

"STOP IT!" She yells as The Doctor holds her.

"Missy get her to stop!" Calls The Doctor in a panic, and you feel warm hands find your temples and press down, causing a sort of shock to convulse through your entire body. You stumble into a waiting Jenny as the connection breaks, and you see Yaz curled up on the floor, sobbing quietly into The Doctor's shoulder.

"Yaz..." you say, realising what you've done.

Jenny let's go and you catch both your girlfriends' expressions. They look horrified. The Doctor is quietly calming Yaz before she lifts her and takes her away.

"I- I didn't mean it go that far" you stammer in fear before breathing on your inhaler.

"We know" says Jenny shortly. She doesn't approach. You don't blame her.

"What was that for?" Asks Missy and you turn away in shame.

"I was trying to protect her" you respond to The Tardis doors.

"By doing that?" Says Jenny in disapproval and you hang your head.

"If you had seen... if you knew" you start but your thoughts are scrambled and incoherent.

"My love, we care for you so much, but this has got to stop." Says Missy and you shake your head.

"I know, I'm so sorry" you say, determined not to cry. You aren't going to wriggle out of this one.

"It's not us you need to apologise to" says Jenny sadly, before leading the way down the corridor to the medbay. Missy gives you a long calculating look before following her. You know they are right, that you went too far, that they aren't being unreasonable, but you already feel like you've lost them. 

Eventfully their respective thoughts and footsteps due away, leaving you alone in the console room, deciding what on Earth to do next.


	27. Letter

You know what needs to happen now. Maybe you've known for a while. But here it was, taking you by surprise. Apprently you were destined to never learn from your mistakes.

And so, with a heavy heart, you settle down on the deck, having located a pen and paper, and begin to write.

Please don't be alarmed upon reading this letter, I promise it has just cause. I'm leaving. Not for good, but I need a break, and it's been a long time coming. I need to learn to control myself, and to get ahead of my emotions. So I'm going back to Earth (don't worry Doctor I know how to get a fake ID) -It wouldn't be the first time. I want none of you to blame yourselves, and to know that I will be completely safe.  
To The Doctor, thank you simply isn't strong enough gratitude. I love you, you crazy blonde clown, to use Missy's favourite phrase. To Yaz. Tell them. They'll understand, and they can help. To Jenny, take care my love, and don't blame yourself. You are so precious. And to Missy. I'm so proud of you, and I don't want this to change any of your progress. Especially because I want to come back and find Your fellow time ladies in one piece!  
Take care, Tardis fam, and hopefully we'll meet again soon. I fully intend for this to happen, but some things are beyond my control, so if it doesn't  
work out, I want you to know that these have been the best years of my life.  
All my love, (y/n)

You could write more but the last three lines are already smudged with tears. You sit back and read it, wanting to start over but knowing they'll come looking for you soon. You fold it up and tuck it into the console, just behind the miniature spinning Tardis model. 

The real Tardis gives a concerned thrum, so you smile and pat her, unable to find the right words. 

It was strange growing so close to a machine, but you really did feel for her. You smile and place your hand on the main centre crystal. 

She shows you nothing.

"Come on old girl, I can't fly you without you're instructions!" You say but she still doesn't budge.

"Please. This is what I want." You beg, sighing. You really couldn't face having The Doctor drop you off and saying farewells in person. Because yes, you were a coward.

Just as you are giving up hope you catch an image of nine coordinates. You smile a watery eyed smile, standing and typing them quickly into the keypad. 

Next is the fourth and fifth switches, which you activate, and, despite your heaviness, feel a rush as you realise you are piloting The Tardis. 

She gives you many more instructions until finally guiding you to the lever that you know will start her up. 

The one you've seen The Doctor pull a thousand times before, promising adventure and fun and running. You were going to miss the running. 

You take off, hoping that Missy was right when she told you all those weeks ago that you couldn't feel the Tardis movement from deep within the ship. 

You land after barely a minute, thudding heavily on solid ground. You don't bother packing, none of it was yours anyway. Except one thing you wanted, but did you have time... yes. 

You turn, ready to sprint to your room, only to find it had been helpfully moved just beyond the West corridor. 

You smile and push through, ignoring the evidence of your happy place, the place where you slept so soundly between your amazing girlfriends. 

You were going to miss that so much. 

You ignore this and run into the bathroom. Yanking open the hamper and pulling out the book still waiting at the bottom, just as you had left it. 

You waste no time, charging back into the console room, leaving the oak bedroom door swinging. You run right up to the doors and turn, taking in the beautiful orange interior one last time.

"Thank you" you say, hoping it's enough. Her resounding hum makes you want to cry. 

"You need to leave the second I go, alright?" You say and she hums sadly in response.

"They can't follow me. They'll know I'm safe, I've put it all in the letter" you explain but she sounds doubtful. 

"Look after my family for me, yeah?" You say. 

The last thrum is sure and proud.

You exit before you can really begin to cry, closing the door behind you. You turn and watch her dematerialise for the last time. Tears of joy, you tell yourself.

You look up at your estate, apprehensive despite knowing Jay took your advice and left, probably freaked out by your sudden alive-ness. 

This thought spurring you onwards, you make it all the way to your front door, not looking once at the car park. 

The door is unlocked and you push it open, finding it empty except for some cheap furniture. You walk slowly upstairs and push open your bedroom door. 

You aren't sure what you expected, but it certainly wasn't this. 

Not your bedroom identical to how you and Abi had left it over five years ago. Not the pictures of your mother, not Abi's favourite stuffed bear, not the blanket your Nan knitted for you when you were born, and not the bookshelf you had placed all yours and Abi's favourite books on, all the way from childhood. That's where you place Melody Malone. 

Sitting down on the bed, a neat cloud of dust rises, making your eyes water.

"Mum, Abi, I'm home" you whisper into the silence. 

Of course, no one replies.


	28. Authors’ Note

Hiya my lovelies, I'm so glad you're back! I had so much fun writing this Novella, particularly the Missy X Jenny X (Y/n) fluff. (I'm sorry but they are so cute!)

For this Novella I wanted the main focus to be (y/n) and her relationships, particularly her romantic ones. I felt for Jenny this came quite naturally, she could be easily protective and caring, probably due to her amazing mother (The Doctor!), but for Missy she had to work hard with being overprotective and a little jealous. I deliberately had her say that she didn't think she could feel this way for a human to highlight how new this still was to her. I don't know about you, but I think she is doing an amazing job.

I sprinkled a few throwback teasers in purely for my enjoyment. The Angels have always been my favourite villain, and I liked writing the bootstrap paradox scene with the 13th Doctor. Melody Malone also made an appearance, and is going to be much more relevant in the next Novella (spoilers!).

I was excited to use a historical story too, (y/n) was based off me for these chapters, as I would so love to meet Emily Davison and Emmeline Pankhurst, totally badass women.

The scar acceptance was also a big part, I need everyone to know about them while showing how well they dealt with it. Ideally, this is how it should always work.

The Doctor has so far been a mother figure to (y/n), so I fancied a couple of scenes with their roles reversed, (y/n) sacrificing herself to keep The Doctor safe, mostly to show how much she's grown.

I hope none of you mind that all the characters are LGBTQIA+, I just felt this was how I wanted to write my story. While there isn't much wlw representation, there is even less Asexual and Polyamorous, so I enjoyed including those, and I hope I did it justice.

Sorry this A/N was so long, I just felt there was rather a lot of explaining to do here.

As ever, comments and criticism are welcome, but hate speech and derogatory language will not be tolerated.

Finally, while I do have at least one more Novella ready, I'll be taking a break from this series for a bit. I've got exams coming up, and much as I enjoy escaping to the world of Doctor Who, I should probably study. 

That's all from me, I hope you're all doing well my loves.

MissWho77 x


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